Wait, Brisbane! We promise. It gets better. Don't believe us? We've had to use the word beer twice...
Snap your nipples into submission, Melbourne. No reason. We just think it's good sense. 10) Zenon Records Present Ryanosauras 21st Sep Look, he's a techno D.J. No one ever claimed he was great at making up names...
Comb your hair, gel your face, Sydney. That'll make the things your other appendages will be doing this week seem...
Swash your buckles, Sydney. We're taking you on a ride down fantasy strip. 10) Comedy on Edge! 18th Sep Hire a baby sitter and tell them where the whisky is, because your kids are terrible monsters and you know it, and the baby sitter is going to be...
We're going to be honest with you, Brisbane. This week you won't win. But there's gin, there's chocolate, and we'll teach you how to get freaky dressed as Steampunk Healthy Harold. Who says being a loser doesn't have its perks? 10) The Australian Academy of Cinemagraphic Makeup...
The exits are located here, here and here, Melbourne. So wave goodbye to your familial and financial death-hole of an existence, because we're talking you on a spontaneous cultural bender round the world. 10) Behind The Lines 18th Aug-15th Sep Ah yes. Politics. Look, you have to face...
Do your laundry, Melbourne. We're taking you to the open seas and to the very fringes of your sanity. So. You'll need clean underwear. 10) Mrs Hopper Turns One 15th September And she's already married? Holy hell, this is indeed a disturbing universe. No wonder she's in need...
Sit down and shut up, Sydney. For we here at oncomau believe talking in a movie theatre justifies the re-introduction of capital punishment. 10) Blackmores Half Marathon 16th September Yes, you read right, you ailing pile of human sausage meat. It's time once again to strap your various limbs...
Shave yourself, Sydney. We're attaching the electrodes to you now. 10) Friday the 14th Revival 14th September You know, we usually like to put our own spin on whatever we serve up to you, but honestly, this event has been so expertly phrased by the devils themselves, it would...
If a tree falls in Fortitude Valley...