When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: "God is dead. The Beatles are never coming back. Two of them are corpses and the other two had the foresight to cannibalistically profiteer off Beatlemania instead of ramming sticks...
Ah, the noughties. A time when we were four minutes further away from midnight and the name 'The Whitehouse' didn't symbolically reflect a dramatic surge in Neo-Nazism. But we had our crosses to bear. And as if sensing the ever-darkening climate, the forces that shadowed the 2000-2010 era...
Logan AKA Wolverine is dead. He went out on an echo of Nine Inch Nails via Johnny Cash. Presumably because playing the Nine Inch Nails version would have been far too on the nose. Luckily, for all of you who consider that a delightful missed opportunity, the...
By the end of this week you'll be infamous. The greatest legends always begin with Flemish ale and wood-chopping. 10) Best In Show: Markets At The Boulevarde 10th August What: Markets At The Boulevarde invites you to celebrate the Best In Show of the Ekka Show with market stalls, sideshow...
This week, Melbourne's coming alive with festivals! None of which, as of yet, have been responsible for the deaths of teenagers (except perhaps the Hot Chocolate Festival, but the death-by-diabetes statistic doesn't tend to come up often in sensationalist media). 10) Top Dog Film Festival 7th August What: A 2 hour...
Put a blindfold on and bend over. Snow Patrol's getting ready to drill 'Chasing Cars' into you for another long decade. 10) TIME: The Gaso 9th August What: A party featuring some of Melbourne's finest selectors. Featuring: Market Memories - one of the hottest house and techno acts in Melbourne...
It has been scientifically proven that this week will pique your interest. Interesting things tend to happen after the ingestion of a lot of foreign liqueur. 10) Living Heritage Festival 4th August What: Across Discovery Point Park and Mt Olympus, enjoy history pop-ups and tours, where you can hear...
This is a revelatory week. Who knew John Paul Young was still alive? 10) Up For it! 10th August What: The Promoters of UP FOR IT! Sydney’s legendary classics and anthems nights (circa 1996 – 1999) invite you to a celebration of house music from 1988 to the present...
Fan of 'Ca Plane Pour Moi' by Plastic Bertrand? Do you sing it loudly in clubs whilst dancing around even though you don't speak any French and have no idea what you're saying or if what you're saying are words? That's okay. Screw lyrics. Screw meaning. It's...
Kids, it’s that time of year again. The ancient mother of all film festivals is coming home. So clean up your damn apartment, torch your tinder and grindr history, bleach every available surface and come up with an innocent explanation for your suspiciously herpetic rash. Oh, yes. We...