Top 10 Melbourne Revelry On this week 04/08/2019
Put a blindfold on and bend over. Snow Patrol’s getting ready to drill ‘Chasing Cars’ into you for another long decade.
10) TIME: The Gaso
What: A party featuring some of Melbourne’s finest selectors. Featuring: Market Memories – one of the hottest house and techno acts in Melbourne at the moment-, EDM queen Laura King, Spacey Space and Mady Mooda.
Why: A bar with a beverage list featuring some of Melbourne’s finest ways to find six hours of generic club music tolerable.
9) Bushtechno 3.0
What: Bushtechno is ready for round 3.0 with the deadly duo Thankyou City pushing their psychedelic, melodic & organic sounds, funkform and exploding legend EEEMUS. This full flavoured line up will focus on psychedelic tones from the Australian Bush bringing the Bush to the club for you at My Aeon.
Why: Psychedelic club music and the Australian bush. The marriage of the two makes perfect sense. They both require the use of copious quantities of hallucinogenics in order for them to morph into something enjoyable.
8) Jordan Brando: All Night Long
What: Fresh off his national tour and two stand out performances at the Wool Store, Jordan Brando returns his iconic driving bass-lines and rhythmic grooves to the intimacy of the club. Accompanied by Untitled Group’s unmatched production, this unique event will see Jordan personally curating an entire night of music over 5 hours, showcasing the intricacy and variety of his sonic prowess.
Why: At least they’re honest about his abilities. A man that can make 5 hours drag on for what seems like an entire night simply via the repeated abuse of a turntable.
7) Greyscale Records Showcase feat. Alpha Wolf + Antagonist A.D.
What: This record label showcase will be headlined by one of Australia’s heaviest exports, Alpha Wolf, who will bring their riff-heavy mosh tracks to The Corner. New Zealand Hardcore stalwarts Antagonist A.D will lock horns with Greyscale’s latest signing Gravemind. Aburden will bring the melody to the evening, and Deadlights will show you exactly why they are one of the most talked about bands in the Australian alternative scene.
Why: A record label showcase that’ll showcase, if nothing else, the downside to genre fluidity. If someone has to specify which one band of many will make use of melody, perhaps contemporary music is reaching the point of total stagnation.
6) RED (R Rated Party)
What: Bring your darkest desires to My Aeon. Explore your fantasies with a safe space to enjoy quality music (with a killer DJ lineup) & fun. RED is ready for you and your kinks with many surprises, workshops, performances & spaces in store for you throughout the night. Dress up in as much or as little as you feel comfortable in. Express yourself and enjoy.
Why: It’s a kink-fetish night if the above description was a mite unclear. And they accept no criminal liability for any form of genital mites you’ll likely contract during the event.
5) Akmal Saleh 2019 Tour
What: Akmal returns By Popular Demand with his funniest show ever in the history of comedy. Paramedics will be on call to transport audience members to hospital as their sides split from laughter.
Why: It’s a good thing paramedics will be on call. Depression is one of the most common causes of death in the modern world and malaise is its precursor. There’s no better way to stoke malaise than attempting to pay for laughter and realising five minutes into the show that no amount of generic revelations about the mild absurdities of life will make an alumnus of ‘I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here’ funny.
4) The Whisky Show
9th & 10th August
What: With over 30 brands and more than 150 different whiskies to sample and to buy, The Whisky Show Melbourne includes exciting new brands, and a pop-up shop offering an extensive range of whiskies at special show prices. All whiskies available for sampling are included in the cost of entry.
Why: An event that’ll get you just greased up enough to finally board that flight to some far off land away from the drudgery of your everyday life.
3) Let It Be Tour
What: Five Australian music legends – John Paul Young, Russell Morris, Glenn Shorrock, Doug Parkinson and Jack Jones – accompanied by the extraordinary 12 piece Day Tripper Band will perform two hours of the most popular Lennon/McCartney songs including Yesterday, Norwegian Wood, Let It Be, Dear Prudence, Eleanor Rigby, Come Together, Hey Jude and many more.
Why: It’s a cheap shot to point out the contradiction inherent in calling a tour symptomatic of the necrophilic obsession with the Beatles’ greatest hits ‘Let It Be’. But we recently shelled out twenty bucks to sit through almost half of the film ‘Yesterday’. So it may be a cheap shot, but we’re just trying to put ourselves financially back in the black.
2) Snow Patrol ‘Live and Acoustic’ Tour
What: A run of Australian shows see Snow Patrol performing in a ‘Live and Acoustic’ mode as a 3-piece featuring singer and guitarist Gary Lightbody, Johnny McDaid on Guitar, piano and vocals and Nathan Connolly also on guitar and vocals. Performing songs live as you’ve never heard them before, the band will be playing all your favourites from classic Snow Patrol albums including ‘Run’, ‘Open Your Eyes’, and ‘Chasing Cars’, alongside songs from their 2018 release ‘Wildness’.
Why: If they lay there. If they just lay there. For about 13 years. Would they find relevance again? Sure they would. If Boy George can, anyone can.
1) Melbourne International Film Festival
What: MIFF is one of the world’s oldest film festivals, alongside Cannes and Berlin. Presenting a curated global program of innovative screen experiences and the world’s largest showcase of exceptional Australian filmmaking, MIFF is an accessible, iconic cultural event that provides transformative experiences for audiences and filmmakers alike.
Why: One of the oldest film festivals in the world is hobbling its way back onto the screens providing hundreds of contexts wherein you won’t have to figure out how to strap a secret whisky flask to your person without danger of spillage. In other words: it’s practically a film festival mandate to be buzzed 95% of the time.