Touch the Stove at St Jerome’s Laneway Festival

Well, it’s 2020 and the outlook is on fire.

It’s like staring directly into the mouth of hell, except the interesting people you’d expect to meet, including the devil, have all pissed off to the hell situated below Greenland, and there’s just one balding bigot in a Hawaiian t shirt throwing lumps of coal into the flames and dousing his pants with kerosene.

The heat, which was once almost a source of pride in the national consciousness, has become a mite too invasive to be a line in a saccharine song sung by the Australian Girls Choir in a Qantas ad.

Considering the amount of temperature-raising CO2 Qantas ejects out of their holes every day, the song would work better performed by a death metal band dressed like variations of Immortan Joe.

There really is no immediate way out of this hell on earth, so perhaps it’s time to look back to the coping mechanisms of old. Getting absolutely s**tfaced lowers your core body temperature, whilst senseless loud noise prevents your already depressed prefrontal cortex from ruminating on the premature apocalypse we seem to be currently inhabiting.

Enter: St Jerome’s Laneway Festival.

Featuring the most talked about, critically-acclaimed and best live acts in the world right now, the 2020 Laneway Festival is gonna be the hottest ticket in town! For a full day of musical discovery and adventure, they have you covered.

Headlining the bill are the likes of pop pioneer Charli XCX and popular rapper Earl Sweatshirt will also be playing this year’s festival. Other international snags include The 1975 and J.I.D.

But that’s not all. There’s a huge stack of local legends on the bill as well, including Ocean Alley, Psychedelic Porn Crumpets, King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, The Chats, Hockey Dad, DMA’s, Stella Donnelly, Ruel, Tones and I, Kucka and more.

Drink up.

If every normal day is already hell, there’s nothing to fear from a hangover.

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