Top 10 Melbourne Revelry On this week 21/07/2019

This week will set your heart aflame. Tech house needs a lot of whisky added to it before it can be classed as ‘music’.


10) Rhythmic Warehouse

27th July

What: After a debut sold out event at the gaso, Rhythmic Warehouse returns, featuring a stellar local lineup including Sunshine, Market Memories, Silversix, Brownbear, plus special guests.

Why: It seems odd that they should use the word ‘returns’ to refer to a rave night. It implies specificity.


9) Dark Freqs 2.0

27th July

What: “Whispers from dark bass, Speak clearly to my soul. Primal rhythms of futures past, Timeless serenity behold. Through the twisting ether of the black-night, A gateway appears, Enter at first light, to a new dawn freed from fear. We welcome you to the second edition of Dark Freqs.” This is the night to get your certified fix of that dark, ominous, sleazy sound.

Why: Yes, we kept their attempt at poetry. Frankly, we’re impressed hosts of a bass rave are capable of utilising vocabulary other than a series of increasingly fractured and meaningless synonyms for ‘!&@^#’.


8) Rosie in Wonderland [Day Party] ft. Spacey Space, Travlos + more

27th July

What: Follow ROSIE on a journey into wonderland. House + Techno only over two fully themed Wonderland rooms in a day party to remember. Featuring: Spacey Space, Travlos (Techno set) and more.

Why: You’ll have to deviate from the book slightly and actually concuss yourself on that piano when falling down the rabbit hole. Alcohol can only do so much at a day rave.



21st July

What: For a special sideshow in Melbourne, English MC LITTLE SIMZ will be showing audiences exactly what all the fuss is about. Her third studio record GREY Area was released last year and has whipped up raves worldwide, with Pitchfork calling it “wondrous” and the NME proclaiming it the best rap record of 2018.

Why: Apparently she has a habit of capitalising everything. So perhaps you won’t have to scream ‘this is terrible’. The capitalisation will be understood.



26th July

What: ENDULGE Entertainment presents EKSTASY, showcasing Melbourne’s underground sound with a touch from a very talented Spanish DJ.

Why: It’s pure ecstasy. That’s what you’ll need. The pure stuff. It’s the only thing that will enable you to stand 7 hours of pounding club music.


5) Arteq Only: The Third Day

27th July

What: A display of Arteq’s resident DJ’s latest original productions and music sourced far and wide, to provide you with the ultimate audio experience. Featuring: Jeremy, Illuccio, Karl Devic, Kirk Chetcuti, Michete and Stefan Knez.

Why: That is assuming the ultimate audio experience is an epileptic cat stuck inside a synth. If so, John Williams must be pissing himself.


4) Slow Burn with Youandewan

27th July

What: Slow Burn is very excited to present Berlin based Yorkshire born DJ and Producer, Ewan Smith aka. YOUANDEWAN. Ewan’s latest release on his own label The Brane highlights Ewans progressive minimal tech house style. Prepare yourself for an evening of eclectic tunes, ensured to have you two-stepping, saying “this slaps” and having Shazam auto searching in your pocket to no avail.

Why: We have very little idea of what the last sentence meant, but we’re assuming the ‘slaps’ is some kind of tremor you develop after being exposed to a certain amount of tech house.


3) Indian Festival

27th & 28th July

What: Feast on the traditional winter warmers of India – sarson ka saag with makki ki roti, Gajar ka Halwa, paratha’s, spicy curries and warm dals. With Bollywood and Bhangra dancing to energise you and acoustic tunes to sit back and relax with, this winter, enjoy something with a little zing.

Why: Just make sure you stock up on appropriate emollients. If these winter warmers come in with a zing, there’s no preparing your anus for what they come out like.


2) Gertrude Street Projection Festival 

26th July-3rd August

What: Gertrude Street Projection Festival invites you to open your mind and your imagination as a huge light display takes over the entire length of Fitzroy’s Gertrude Street. This year, participating artists have been given the theme of “persist, resist, shift”. Artists have also been asked to look into questions like “how do we reinterpret traditions?” and “how is projection as an art form shifting?”. There will be more than 25 projection artworks on display from a mix of new artists and long-running festival contributors.

Why: The brick wall collection of dicks and pro-nazi symbols lit up by a technicolour dream projection really classes up the place.


1) Fireside Winter Festival 

27th July-12th August

What: Fireside is the Yarra Valley’s brand new Winter festival, celebrating smokey food, roaring fire, refined wine and rocking music. Rather than behind a table like formal tasting set-ups, you’ll find the winemakers wandering amongst the beer garden, sitting by fire braziers, chatting to guests and pouring their wines. There’s no better way to learn about wines than hearing the passion straight from those who make them.

Why: You won’t be able to escape the 2 hour lecture from the winemaker about the right way to cultivate certain varieties of grapes. Because they won’t be bound by a bar. They’ll be out roaming the plains. Picking off the weak.

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