Top 10 Melbourne Culture On this week 28/03/2021

If you don’t laugh, you cry. Because you’re manic-depressive.


10) Three Bodies: Film Screening and Panel Discussion

30th March

What: We all experience the world through a body, a body that has certain powers, and certain constraints. Three Bodies is a short documentary film by Dorothy Allen-Pickard, commissioned by Molonglo as part of their upcoming Designing with Difference publication. It draws out an embodied relationship with the built environment through the experience of three different people, who each take us on a journey from the interior of their spaces, outside, and into the world. The screening will be followed by a panel discussion that further explores how the built environment can either be a pathway or a barrier to community, opportunity, and pleasure, depending on how places are designed, and who they are designed for.

Why: The appealing abstract of a porno, but the disappointing conceptual realisation of an HSC submission.


9) Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

28th March onwards

What: The magic has begun in Melbourne’s East End Theatre District. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is a “wildly imaginative continuation of J.K. Rowling’s wizardry saga” (The Hollywood Reporter). Prepare to experience a thrilling new adventure that the Herald Sun Melbourne calls “Spellbinding – Like nothing on earth”.

Why: We haven’t read or seen it yet. Fingers crossed “the cursed child“ isn’t some reference to Rowling’s latest fun opinions concerning the transgender community.


8) St Kilda Penguins

1st April

What: Join a Parks Victoria and Earthcare St Kilda led viewing experience of the penguin colony at St Kilda Breakwater. The nightly tours offer a chance to view some of the 1400 penguins that call the breakwater home from a safe distance as they interact with each other, preen themselves and, depending on the season, tend to their young.

Why: For every fifty penguins you spot killing and raping their own young, you get a free plush toy!


7) Free Movies at Fed Square: Labyrinth

28th March

What: The Big Screen at Fed Square is lighting up this summer with a stack of classic films, and they’re all completely free. This iteration will feature Labyrinth.

Why: Because once in a while it’s probably good to remember Bowie probably f***** an underaged kid.


6) Imaginaria

28th March onwards

What: Are you ready to step into the future? Imaginaria at The District Docklands brings you a celebration of imagination, technology and play. Fully interactive bespoke sounds, scents and lights activate in response to your movement as you walk, slide and glide through the dreamlike landscapes. Walk into a giant inflatable bubble, navigate a futuristic light maze or jump into a cosmic abyss. Check your shoes in at the departure lounge and prepare to venture into another dimension.

Why: If you can imagine something more olfactorily powerful than athlete’s foot it will help.


5) Multicultural Summer Festival

28th March

What: Welcome to Melbourne’s first ever Multicultural Summer Festival by the Bay! Journey across the globe for an event like nothing you’ve ever seen. Situated in a breathtaking location by the water’s edge in Port Melbourne, experience the cultures of the world for one truly exceptional day and night event. Tantalise your tastebuds as you delight in delicious international cuisine, enjoy spectacular floorshows by Melbourne’s best cultural dance artists as well as non-stop roving entertainment, live bands, DJ’s and percussionists.

Why: Digest other cultures in the only way you know how. Deep fried!


4) Beechworth Golden Horseshoes Festival

3rd & 4th April

What: The Beechworth Golden Horseshoes Festival is celebrated over the Easter long weekend. The festival includes rides, roving performers, markets, golf, music, talent shows, entertainment, a grand parade, live performances and an easter egg hunt for the kids.

Why: This festival re-enacts the legend of some guy whose horse had shoes made of gold. So if this is something to get your mind of your imminent redundancy…make sure you ride the mini motorbikes as may times as you can.


3) Melbourne Design Week

28th March-5th April

What: In 2021, Melbourne Design Week explores the theme ‘design the world you want’ where designers demonstrate how they can collaborate to create a better and healthier future for the planet. Over eleven days, Melbourne Design Week presents emerging and established designers to address the theme in an array of talks, tours, workshops, exhibitions and launches across Melbourne and Victoria. Through this, it celebrates the diversity of the Australian design and architectural sector offering both industry professionals and design enthusiasts the opportunity to engage with individuals, institutions and practices at the vanguard of design world-wide. The design festival is complemented by specially curated programs: Melbourne Art Book Fair, Melbourne Design Week Film Festival and Waterfront.

Why: The pandemic has us all reflecting on what we truly value and the essential truths to which we ascribe. But it’s pretty much over, so it’s time to d**k around with crafts again!


2) Melbourne Food & Wine Festival 

28th-31st March

What: The Melbourne Food & Wine Festival is back – bringing you some of the longest-running festival favourites and a handful of new events, plus events in restaurants and bars all over town. Close to 50 events are happening in restaurants and other venues all around Melbourne, with tickets to suit all budgets. Choose from pasta-making workshops, riesling and Thai dinners, one-off chef collaborations and more, as you get out there and support local hospitality businesses.

Why: You’ve been edging closer and closer to that heart attack with your COVID melted cheese on gin-soaked coco-pops diet. Well, restrictions are over. It’s time you classed-up your coronary.


1) Melbourne International Comedy Festival 

28th March onwards

What: The Melbourne International Comedy Festival is the largest stand-alone comedy festival and the second-largest international comedy festival in the world. Established in 1987, it takes place annually in Melbourne over four weeks. Sit back and get ready as Australia’s largest cultural event transforms Melbourne into the capital of the comedy universe!

Why: You know why this is necessary. You don’t need us to give you a reason.

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