Top 10 Melbourne Culture On this week 26/01/2020

It’s time you sought the solace of a higher power. Get down on your knees and chug.


10) Inflatable Regatta 

1st February

What: Gather the crew and head off down 2kms of the Yarra River! A ticket includes a boat & oars, life jackets, a water-proof bag, sunscreen & drinking water and a full bar and great food trucks when you make it to the end, so bring a lobster or two!

Why: There’s no more appropriate way to celebrate the realisation that the only regatta you’ll ever be able to afford to participate in is one with inflatable boats than with a lot of cheap alcohol.


9) Twilight Art in the Park Community Festival 

1st February

What: Twilight Art in the Park is an annual community festival held in and around the grounds of MGA. Free activities around the grounds and inside the building include face painting, MGA exhibition activities, library bedtime storytime, a live jazz band and an outdoor screening of ‘Mary Poppins Returns’ at sunset. Bring a picnic blanket and join MGA on the lawn beside the lake.

Why: Nothing says ‘we value independent contemporary art’ like screening a film by Disney and the guy who directed the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie.


8) Story Party Tour

30th January

What: At Story Party you will hear true dating stories that will make you feel better because, let’s be honest, it could be worse. Story Party has played to sold out audiences in over 65 countries because the dating struggle is real worldwide! You’ll hear stories from professional storytellers and some brave audience members.

Why: Your most exhausting, melodramatic, whiny friend is now charging entry fees for their s**tshow.


7) Tet Lunar New Year Festival

1st & 2nd February

What: Tet Festival is a vibrant two-day event for all ages! Learn about Vietnamese culture, enjoy the food that you can only find during the Tet period and make some memories with friends and family. There is something for everyone – Dragon Dancing, fireworks, renowned Vietnamese singers, entertainment and music on the main stage, competitions and fun activities on the challenger stage, festival rides and cultural exhibits.

Why: A cultural celebration with a name so easy to pronounce, you’ll have absolutely no anxiety when bringing it constantly up in conversation in an attempt to seem worldlier than everyone else.


6) The Empire Strips Back

1st February

What: Starting in a small 100 seat bar, The Empire Strips Back has gone on to become one of the biggest burlesque events in the world. After a sold-out, critically acclaimed North American tour, which saw the show play everywhere from LA to Broadway, The Empire Strips Back team returns home to Australia for their annual national tour before heading back overseas. For those that missed out on previous tours, be prepared for some seriously sexy Stormtroopers, a dangerously seductive Booba Fett, some tantalising Twi’leks, a delightfully luke-warm Taun Taun, a lady-like Skywalker, the Droids you are looking for and much, much more! Get your tickets now and come along to celebrate everything Star Wars…and the removal of clothing.

Why: Your pubescent fantasies but with production values and corporeal flesh. And your mother’s not in the next room.


5) Climate Emergency Cinema

28th January

What: Join Transitions Film Festival, the Little Projector Company and MPavillion for a series of world-changing, pedal-powered, screenings this summer! Taking place over three nights in January, the program features inspirational climate change short films, a multi-award winning documentary from international impact filmmaker Velcrow Ripper, and Damon Gameau’s uplifting Feature 2040. Get inspired by films about the most important issues of our time, connect with passionate changemakers, and you’ll even have the chance as an audience member to ride a bicycle and help power the screenings!

Why: Instagram yourself saving the planet and dedicate yourself to the destruction of civil liberties for a less complex, more popular cause. It’s what being a good person means.


4) Italian Wine Tasting

30th January

What: Frank Preiato is a legend of the Melbourne wine industry. If you have had a glass of Italian wine in Melbourne in the last 20+ years there is every chance that it has passed through Frank’s hands. Frank and his wealth of knowledge will join your for an evening at The Local Drop. Frank has chosen his top 12 wines which will be accompanied by an Italian selection of cheese from Harper & Blohm.

Why: Don’t worry. Around the eighth wine Frank will morph into a far less abrasive amorphous humming blur.


3) Yalukut Weelam Ngargee

1st February

What: Yaluk-ut Weelam Ngargee is a free indigenous arts and cultural festival held annually in St Kilda’s O’Donnell Gardens, a significant contemporary Indigenous meeting place. The family-friendly event features dancers and artists, live music, food and market stalls plus activities and workshops for the whole family. The program of live music features Wayne Parsons, Kee’Ahn, Pirritu, Coloured Stone, Key Hoo, The Struggling Kings, Benny Walker and Emma Donovan & The Putbacks. Gather under the sun and into the summer night in a gathering to celebrate Australia’s Indigenous cultures and local talents.

Why: Assuage your well-earned guilt following Australia Day by paying too much for a dot painting that’ll rot in your humid attic until the rats find it decayed enough to consume.


2) Brewers Feast

1st & 2nd February

What: Melbourne’s boutique craft beer festival IS BACK for 2020! Set in the picturesque gardens of the Abbotsford Convent, Brewers Feast will be bringing together some of Australia’s top notch brewers over two jam packed days. This event has something for everyone, whisky, gin, cider, cocktails, wine and non-alcoholic drinks, plus plenty of food trucks, back to back live performances from local artists and a beer lovers fantasy line up of 100% independent craft beers.

Why: The most ethical thing to happen in a convent apart from that time in 1866 when that one homeless guy wandered into a convent drunk and puked in the baptismal font.


1) Midsumma Festival 

26th January-9th February

What: Midsumma Festival is Australia’s premier queer arts and cultural festival, bringing together a diverse mix of LGBTQIA+ artists, performers, communities and audiences. The festival program is made up of diverse art forms and genres, including visual arts, live music, theatre, spoken word, cabaret, film, parties, sport, social events, and public forums. Featuring over 194 events in 2020, with involvement by over 5000 culture-makers in over 100 different venues across Melbourne and wider Victoria to anticipated audiences of over 284,000.

Why: A far superior way to say “F**k ScoMo”.

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