Top 10 Melbourne Culture On this week 22/12/2019

Things look a little fuzzy this week. Could be the gin, could be your eyes boiling out of their sockets in this climatic oven we’ve created for ourselves.


10) Cinema Pop Up: Home Alone

22nd December

What: A screening of Home Alone under the stars with a bar and entertainment. An eight-year-old troublemaker must protect his house from a pair of burglars when he is accidentally left home alone by his family during Christmas vacation.

Why: The only thing that could possibly kill this film once and for all is a #MeToo scandal. Fingers crossed.


9) Vegan High Tea

22nd December

What: This Vegan High Tea event is a great way to enjoy an outing with a friend or partner. You will have a three tiered stand between yourself and your date, full of savoury and sweet treats to enjoy between the two of you.

Why: It’s well-planned. Maintaining a metre of distance between a vegan and another vegan is always wise lest their two individual noxious gas clouds combine forces to create a biochemical weapon of mass destruction.


8) Beer Yoga

22nd December

What: Come and get bendy while knocking back a beer, it truly is the ultimate way to start your Sunday. This yoga class is for absolutely everyone, from beginners, to people who know their stuff and those who have never done yoga before. And people who can’t touch their toes! It’s a bit of fun and feel good vibes.

Why: Find your centre with the aid of a central nervous system depressant.


7) Morine (Film Screening)

22nd December

What: The year is 620 A.D., North Lebanon. Living with God is men’s privilege and the most unreachable women’s right. Stubborn as she is, the 20 year-old revolutionary girl breaks the rules and endures all the consequences.

Why: A ticket to this is a hell of a way to wish your bigoted grandmother a happy Christmas.


6) Inverloch Sounds of Summer

28th December

What: Loads of fun for the whole family. Live music, local food and wine, game activations and more. Don’t miss this fabulous event! Featuring: Kate Ceberano, Daniel Shaw, Bustamento, Elly Poletti and Alan Wilkinson.

Why: Or, to put it another way, an event in an area not easily accessible via public transport headlined by a Scientologist.


5) Lunch with Geoff Lindsay

28th December

What: We can’t think of a better way to have a summer’s day lunch: Overlooking Louitt Bay on the third level of the Lorne Hotel with Geoff Lindsay preparing a wonderful Vietnamese lunch in front of you, while you sip on a glass of wine! The best thing? It’s also a cooking class!

Why: Or you could stay home, order food and not have to look the chef in the eye whilst eating his food, knowing his fragile ego depends upon the slightest twitch of your facial expression.


4) Melbourne Shakespeare Company’s The Taming of the Shrew

22nd December

What: Packed with live music, dancing and a dose of comedy, Melbourne Shakespeare Company’s The Taming of the Shrew is a full-scale, fast-paced adventure in the stunning St Kilda Botanical Gardens with a twist. Each night the audience decides which performer gets to play the Shrew and who gets to play the Tame, leading to a wild night of theatre where ANYTHING can happen.

Why: Take your whole family, from the oldest generation to the youngest. Following the play, casually muse out loud on the subject of misogyny. Watch the fireworks.


3) Melbourne Zoo Christmas Day Lunch

25th December

What: Why not join the zoo for a festive buffet lunch in the Rainforest Room where you will find the best of the season’s Christmas fare including seafood, salads & roasted meats, followed by an enticing grand dessert buffet? Santa will make a guest appearance and the photo booth will capture your 2019 Christmas day special moments. Roving musicians will entertain and delight you with some festive tunes. Wander through the Zoo grounds and enjoy the wonderful atmosphere of the animals on this special day whilst taking advantage of the exciting Zoo Keeper talks.

Why: We know sitting a few metres away from unwashed elephant balls really whets our appetite.


2) Pink Gin Afternoon Tea Buffet

22nd December

What: Imagine this – It’s a lovely weekend, the sun is ever so slightly warming up Melbourne, you are wearing your favourite floral dress and walking in the city with your friends. You enter the 5 star Melbourne Marriott hotel and are welcomed at The Essence Restaurant with a Pink Gin cocktail. You are seated in the light filled restaurant and enjoying house made high tea treats, such as some signature buttermilk scones with jam and vanilla Chantilly cream, vegan chilli jam and avocado bagels with roasted capsicum and eggplant, the white chocolate & mango panna cotta, or the raspberry & vanilla donuts. It’s an afternoon tea buffet or should we say an afternoon treat, you and your friends deserve to welcome the summer and catch up over exclusive indulgent food & cocktails.

Why: Or stay home in your undies and gorge yourself on Easy Mac, Doritos and Coles ice-cream. It’s a far superior option and you know it.



28th December

What: FLIGHT is a multi-sensory, multi-universal journey in complete darkness. DARKFIELD once again use their signature 3D soundscape to push the bounds of reality. Expect to reach an altitude very much at odds with the shipping container one is seated within.

Why: Alter your consciousness in a shipping container. Its incredible how the same description, when applied to two different subsets of humanity, can change radically. For example, a white citizen verses a non-white asylum-seeker.

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