Switch It Up with Virtual Roo-Ality

Living life as a human being in charge of buying your own cereal requires constant upkeep. We’re not referring to the kind of upkeep involving laxatives, Panamax and hemorrhoid ointment, but rather psychological upkeep. Though, the purchase of those items tends to correlate with an unkempt mind.

This is why a solid foundation of routine is paramount. You wake up, you have the coffee, you shower and brush yourself, you oil all your extremities, you call your mother and then you take the heroin. Every day.

But routine, whilst beneficial on a subconscious level, is often met with petty conscious blowback. The feeling of consciously consigning yourself to a repetitive existence can be scary. Which is why minor, surface alterations are imperative. Try tea instead of coffee, oil your limbs in a different order, rotate your heroin dealers, watch some of the greatest bands’ best performances via a virtual music festival as presented to you by another disposal pop star whose left buttock is slightly less over-inflated, as opposed to her right one.

Yes, if you missed partying at Bonnaroo this year, the festival is offering up a chance to enjoy some live music at home instead. Bonnaroo has announced its Virtual Roo-Ality festival! The free, three-day streaming event will feature Charli XCX on a panel, a new performance from Action Bronson, and many other appearances and sets. The festival will also be showcasing some of the most memorable performances in its archives, including sets by Metallica, My Morning Jacket, the White Stripes, and more.

The bands you know and love, doing what they always did and a pop tart on a panel being overvalued, as they always have been. It’s life. Every day. And you will die alone on your way to return the teabags.

But this time it’s her left buttock.



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