QVB Cine-mas: To (Your Future) Health, Wealth and Happiness!
‘Tis the season.
Well, it is a season. We’re not sure what season it is exactly. Thematically, it’s reminiscent of a 30s Coke ad, climatically, it’s reminiscent of Mad Max.
Religiously, it seems, that which watched over us for so many roseate years has been discarded by a heathen youth who no longer deem it necessary to trek to its hallowed halls for spiritual salvation. No matter how desperately it cries out, no matter how much it docks its workers salaries or how many trailer park ginger kids it tries to entice us with, Myer and its affiliate gods have been left in the cynical dust for gods who do house calls and don’t demonise the kinky s**t.
Perhaps the only thing that remains a constant of this time of year is family. And those beautiful moments in between the bitter, bigoted screaming matches when you realise a few days of loudly playing Erasure’s greatest hits in your head to drown out all external sound guarantees you future access to a hefty selection of compatible organs.
Well, turn off the Erasure for a minute. Because we’ve got something far louder, catchier and tonally outdated to allow you to endure this holiday season: QVB Cine-mas.
“Enjoy twilight rooftop screenings of your favourite festive classics at the QVB Cine-mas. Experience a magical visit from Santa, indulge in buttery popcorn and an elegant open air pop-up bar. Featuring: Elf, Home Alone and Polar Express.”
So, bring the organ banks and settle in for a night of not completely having to acknowledge the fact that they’re capable of sentient thought.
And if you look hard enough from your chair upon the rooftop, you might just see the shimmer of recently redundant Myer employees jumping to their deaths, their name badges twinkling in the moonlight.