Top 10 things On in Brisbane this week 30/09/2018

A week beginning with using delicate implements whilst nude and ending with the Germans. This can only go well.


10) Spooktacular Planner Switch Meet

6th October

A swap exchange! You know, like your mum used to do? How long has it been since you called her? She only birthed you. Sure she beat the hell out of you eight times a day and forced you to watch her gorge on Timtams whilst you drank Vitamix blended glasses of dishwashing liquid and rice, but she created your existence and- sorry we drifted off a bit there. Yes, it’s a swap meet with drinking.


9) Good Taste Comedy Night

5th October

Time to laugh. Because it’s always time to laugh. It drowns out the noise of the rest of world collectively screaming in pain. Featuring Michael Connel, Aaron Pratt and release the bees, this day of some of comedy’s best talents will have you saying to yourself, “Life is terrible. But I can occasionally sound like a seal and slightly piss my pants in a large venue”.


8) Burlesque Art Evening

5th October

Remember all those times in pre-school when you where scolded for colouring outside the lines and dreamt of the day when you were all grown up and we’re allowed to colour wherever you damn well pleased? Well, you were an idiot. Children are idiots. This is what grown up drawing really is. Sketching a burlesque dancer whilst drinking.


7) Flamin’ Sounds 

6th October

Don’t be so immature. This isn’t a night wherein indie bands hold lighters to their butts and pretend they’re superheroes propelled by their own gases to fight the forces of evil. Though frankly judging by the sounds current indie bands make that’s not an unreasonable assumption. A night of rock, a night of roll, a night where you can drink until you’re not only blind, but also deaf.’-Sounds-with-Ban-Solo-Cold-Pie-Bright-Blue-Black-and-The-Grondles/44a0eaf0-c675-11e8-b14f-a713526e5192



4th October

The end of all this palaver. So, we assume bipartisan politics have been realised by the world as inherently ridiculous and been disbanded and…no. We just checked and that’s still very much the status quo. So. let’s get drunk in our finest cocktail attire.


5) Movie Night at the Baths

6th October

Finally. Caligula got a flat screen installed. An adult-only screening of Jaws in a bathhouse where you can “swim in the heated baths or lay back in the mezzanine”.


3) Sugar Republic

4th October

Adulthood sucks. So, we say, screw it. Why pretend? Oh yeah. Cause it’s FUN. Relive your childhood at the Sugar Republic! A huge ball-pit, a swing in a fairy-floss room, a giant jump-outable birthday cake, a mini cinema of the sweetest films, a sherbet rainbow bridge, a wall of sprinkles and a severe chronic case of type 2 diabetes that’ll ensure you won’t even live past 35! It’s a problem that solves itself!


2) Gin Discovery

6th October

Colombus style. “Discover” the history of gin, gin styles, making gin cocktails and…then drink it.


1) Oktoberfest

5th-14th October

Yeah, but so what? It’s not really violative cultural appropriation if you’re doing it to the Germans. A week of festivities, drunken debauchery and all the Kummerspeck you can cram down your Innerer Schweinehund.

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