Top 10 things On in Brisbane this week 07/10/2018
A luxurious week of pagan chocolate worship, festivals dedicated to the most glorious fermented fruit, drunken piracy and comedic gods awaits you Brisbane. Put in a call to your priest or shaman now. You’ll need a moral exorcism.
Yes. This is a real thing. An entire three days dedicated to the beef industry with beer, tastings and economic exegesis…and one hell of a brilliant way to surprise your vegan cousin. The tickets are non-refundable, you see.
9) Battle of the Buskers
No, not an actual battle. There’ll unfortunately be no real weaponry here. Which is a shame. No one should have to face the horror of a morning commute and the presence of live jazz improv. But nevertheless, watch the buskers from banjo to guitar battle it out on stage.
8) A Royal Gathering of Thieves
Seems redundant phrasing doesn’t it? That’s essentially what the royal family already is. Apart from being descended from Nazis. What a time to be a alive. No, this is a costumed night for kings and queens, liars and thieves, pirates, minstrels and maidens accompanied by live music and, of course, rum.
7) The Pagan County Revellers/Hell & Whiskey
Did we say pagan ritual? Oh yeah, baby. But this time, it’s in a bar and the elixir is pure poison. There’s never been so deceptively a spiritual way to misappropriate an ancient defunct quasi-religion.
6) Pacific Fashion Festival
13 designers, 50 models, 156 looks, and not enough Glen 20 in the world to get rid of the vague odour of vomit in the toilets.
5) Pinot Palooza
Oh, kids. Just buy a ticket they’ll give you a glass. There’s no need to justify your addiction with the facade of pretentious wine appreciation. Everyone will be there for the same reason. And have all accepted that. Drink up.
4) New Moon Cacao Ceremony
“Dance, sweat, intention, ceremony, fire, co-creation, sound healing.” All beneath a fountain of pure pagan cacao. Send a few pictures to your catholic grandma, we guarantee you’ll be out of ever having to visit that damn old folks home that smells of death and racism for the rest of your life.
Snap your self into those lederhosen, Melbourne. Everything’s ironic when you’re drunk.
“Pinosity describes a potentially serious malady, an unnatural absorption in a single red grape variety – Pinot Noir. Like curiosity, virtuosity and grandiosity, Pinosity can be the refuge of the obsessive, the eccentric who can no longer enjoy a dinner without remarking about a particular Pinot’s total acidity, terroir or tannin level.” Never has a violent life-destroying addiction been so poetically described by a member of the Brisbane Powerhouse.
Bill Bailey Earl of Whimsy Tour
Genius, polymath, virtuoso, comedian, and the longest haired bald man will be foraging for nuts and berries on stage.