Top 10 Sydney Culture On this week 06/01/2019
2019 is here. Unfortunately, hundreds of Elvis impersonators are also here.
10) Wild Warrior Women Opening Night Vintage Soiree
What: Vocal performances, dance and circus performances and an evening of fun and fantasy as you are transported to a night at the Vintage Circus! The Wild Warrior Women Festival is a weekend of entertainment and speakers all focused on the Wild Warrior Women mission of empowerment, sisterhood, strength and celebration of femininity.
Why: Because nothing says ‘female empowerment’ like a Vintage Circus theme. The 19th Century was a time when women could feel truly equal.
9) Japanese Superfoods Master Class
What: Transform your health and body through Japan’s best-kept secret – the ancient art of Japanese superfoods. Come and learn what Japanese superfoods are, sample some of them and discover the power of Japanese superfoods!
Why: Nothing says pretentious over-cashed douche like a course on Japanese superfoods. Come on, you’ve already got the typewriter, the beard wax and you’ve had your beetroot bullet coffee. You might as well go all the way.
8) Magic Mic Comedy feat. Sam Kissajukian
What: Back from New York for only 2 weeks to see his family, Sam Kissajukian, the comedic equivalent of a majestic beast, is headlining this evening.
Why: Sit back, relax and forget your troubles in a night in which you may not actually laugh, but you will at least get a perverse sense of satisfaction at mercilessly judging someone who has decided to make themselves incredibly vulnerable on stage.
7) Parkes Elvis Festival
What: The Parkes Elvis Festival, coinciding with Elvis Presley’s birthday, is in its 27th year. The Festival continues to grow – with over 150 events across five fabulous, fun-filled days all dedicated to the King.
Why: You know, The King. That quasi-pedophilic eventually morbidly obese rocker who stole from and misappropriated the shit out of the Black music scene. That guy.
6) The Savoy Presents: The Breakfast Club
What: See the 80’s Classic on the Big Screen! Head to the upstairs Lounge, and you’ll be seated with your complimentary popcorn on the way to your table. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the big screen with a full menu of cocktails, craft beer, wine and gourmet food.
Why: You’ll need to be drunk in order to bury the memory of the other Estevez brother.
5) Forage Summer Celebration
What: Enjoy a seasonal dining experience celebrating Summer and all the fun and deliciousness that goes with it. You will be treated to 6 organic courses using seasonal ingredients…and let’s not forget the matched wines!
Why: A seasonal dining experience celebrating Summer? Well, don’t forget to order your dressing on the side of your gun violence, bleached coral and skin tumours.
4) Gabriel Iglesias
What: Gabriel Iglesias returns to Australia with his One Show Fits All World tour!
Why: We’ll be honest. We don’t much about this guy. But, hey, at least we’re not promoting Kevin fucking Hart. Not again.
What: One of the leading Australian competitive short film festivals and increasingly filmmakers view it as one of the main festivals on the world circuit, ensuring greater opportunities for our Australian short film makers internationally.
Why: There’s no better way to spend time with friends and family than in a film theatre when you’re not allowed to talk to each other.
2) FOMO Sydney
What: The epic one-day, one-stage music festival returns featuring Nicki Minaj, Rae Sremmurd, Mura Masa, Kali Uchis, San Holo, Anna Lunoe, Sophie, Cosha, Carmouflage Rose, Just a Gent and Mimi.
Why: We’ve been reliably in formed that this is a big thing. To which we took offence. We know that this festival of the loud and mediocre is a big thing. In the same way a hair salon being set on fire after grooming a convention of craft beer enthusiasts would be a big thing.
1) Sydney Festival
What: 18 world premieres, city-wide free events and art in some very unusual places. Sydney Festival is descending upon summer exploding with music, theatre, dance, opera, visual arts, ideas, free and family events.
Why: Dump your awful visiting relatives in the middle of the colourful and distracting circus, sneak back home behind a troupe of street performers in offensively snug leotards and change the locks to your front door.