Top 10 Melbourne Revelry On this week 31/03/2019
Get ready to laugh your ass off, Melbourne. Boyzone’s back. Also there’s a comedy festival on.
10) Primal: The Release Party
What: Through a range of physical, mental and energetic processes, you will experience a new way of “letting go.” Move through five stages over two hours. This is an individual practice, done in a group setting. Take it to the next level through free movement. With the energy flowing, dance into a state of bliss. Feel the music and move with it, any way you desire.
Why: Or you could stay home, clutch your insecurities and whisky tighter to your chest and be thankful that you’re not trapped in a sweaty studio with a lot of seemingly epileptic vegans.
9) The Jungle
What: Welcome to THE JUNGLE! The wildest party on Friday is having its grand opening night with Hot Hits + RnB and entry is free.
Why: We’re unsure as to how the visual imagery of the jungle fits with the processed robot sputum that is new age RnB…but perhaps it does make an interesting statement about the fact that in about five years the real jungles will be largely computer generated anyway.
8) 323 Block Party
What: The 323 Block Party is an event based on peace, love & unity bringing together Hip-Hop artists from all elements together in one place. Bringing you live music from Melbourne Artists and DJs, Live Art, Exhibition Dance Battles, Good Food and Fresh Streetwear.
Why: You’re welcome. You’ve been forewarned. They’ll all be in one space. Now use google maps, find the furthest point away from that space and run as fast as you can there for the duration.
7) Deeperoots Music Warehouse Party
What: DEEPEROOTS MUSIC makes its long awaited return to Melbourne! Delivering a long overdue Warehouse Party and something for the MIND, BODY & SOUL! Journey into the DEEP!
Why: We’re not quite sure why they’ve decided to express themselves with so many capitalised words, but we can only assume the night will be as offensively unnecessary and viscerally uncomfortable as its written description.
6) Novel & Untitled presents Rampa + &ME
What: Novel & Untitled are happy to present Rampa + &ME for an extended back-to-back set. These are two formidable artists with very revered pedigrees. From 2009 on, Rampa made a name of himself through Keinemusik, his own little d.i.y.-cosmos, being not only a label, but also crew of likeminded DJs, producers and friends. &ME entered the House and Techno world somewhat out of the blue due to his sublime modesty that’s already captured in his alias.
Why: House and Techno. Back to back. See? Even they can’t stand to face the mind-numbing cacophony of the genres to which they’ve committed their lives.
5) Neelix & Friends
What: Neelix is back for one final show before he leaves Australia, and boy is it going to be a big one! Coming off the back of Paradigm Festival 2019, Neelix has a very special unique set planned. Get ready for Psy Heavyweight Neelix, as he joins a cast of local legends for a day party of epic proportions.
Why: Psy and heavyweight are two terms we thought could never be put together. But then we’ve also been known to eat marshmallows with mustard. So we’re not ones to judge. Of course…we were drunk, broke and fifteen. Wait…perhaps that explains the genre too.
4) Melbourne Techno Collective
What: This is the first of many parties hosting some of Melbourne’s very best focusing only on the excellent talent this awesome TECHNO city has! Featuring: Steve Law Live, Simon Slieker, Hyper Binary, Dj Kiti, Laura King, D-Rex, Kazuma Onishi, Jay Reading, Sam McEwin, Craig McWhinney, Peter Baker and Matt Radovich.
Why: So. Melbourne’s a techno city now. And here we thought the blues and post punk legends that once inhabited the city were a matter of pride. But then again…who could possibly compete with songs like ‘Wrek Tha Discotek’.
4) Kisumé x Four Pillars Gin Lunch
What: Enjoy a specially curated four-course lunch highlighting the unique ingredients of Japanese-style gin including Tasmanian wasabi, sesame seed and yuzu. To showcase the elegant creation that is Four Pillars x Kisumé Gin, James Irvine has composed four exquisite cocktails perfectly paired with each dish.
Why: You’re at that point in your life when you can afford to not be able to taste more expensive food over the paint-thinner that is gin.
2) BOYZONE – The Farewell Tour
What: After a quarter of a century together, the iconic Boyzone recently announced it’s time to say goodnight as they prepare for their farewell tour. In conjunction with the tour, the group have just released their final album Thank You & Goodnight, which includes collaborations with some very special guest songwriters in the shape of Ed Sheeran (Because) and Gary Barlow (Love).
Why: Remember Boyzone? God, we hope not. Because if you do, we’re really not connecting with our target audience.
1) Melbourne International Comedy Festival
31st March-21st April
What: An annual event, the Melbourne International Comedy Festival literally takes over Australia’s comedy capital, Melbourne, each autumn with an enormous program of stand-up comedy, cabaret, theatre, street performance, film, television, radio and visual arts.
Why: Laugh with something other than bitter resentment. Unless you accidentally bought tickets to Dave Hughes.