Top 10 Melbourne Revelry On this week 16/12/2018

Who knew there were unicorns and purple puppets present at the fall of Babylon?


10) World Music with Faro Negro

21st December

What: With Julian Scheffer on 7-string guitar and Stephen Cuttriss on bandoneon, the duo will transport you to the seductive Milonga halls of Argentina as they play the passionate sounds of Tango, Milonga and Vals.

Why: Look, it’s the perfect night. Culture, music, and no one actively forcing you to attempt the actual tango on the dance-floor. You can just sit, get drunk and fool yourself into believing that if you chose to, you could also play a seven stringed guitar.


9) Summer Night Market

19th December

What: Melbourne’s hottest summer hangout returns with over 60 global street food stalls and festival bars, more than 100 specialty fashion, homewares and general merchandise stalls. Indulge in a range of heavenly summer-style dishes; everything from sizzling skewers and Japanese sliders, to loukoumades (Greek doughnuts) and French crêpes.

Why: It will indeed be Melbourne’s hottest summer thanks to the environmental hellstorm we’ve created for ourselves. Nothing says ‘we’re taking conscious efforts to try to reverse the effects of human pollution’ like an orgy of consumerism and gluttony.


8) The Great Russian Imperial Stout Release and Vertical Tasting

16th December

What: If you love stouts, barrel aged beers, and all things dark, this one’s for you. The first stout focussed tasting event at The Mill. They don’t care much for ‘seasonal beers’, which is why they’ve decided to release their darkest, heaviest beer at the start of summer.

Why: Nothing says welcome to the Australian summer like the words “Russian” and “Imperial”.


7) Summer Daze: Bollywood Cruise Party

22nd December

What: Kick off your summer season with a Bollywood cruise party! Experience the non-stop Bollywood, RnB, Urban Punjabi & Bhangra music on the open seas to get you into the summer party mood.

Why: Take cultural appropriation of India to the high seas! Just like our good old colonial forebears. There’ll probably even be some form of curry! A word that has absolutely no meaning to anyone Indian, and somehow means everything Indian to everyone else.


6) Ambit x Top Yard Rooftop Party

22nd December

What: Celebrate summer with a rooftop day party – drum and bass going all day long at Melbourne’s newest rooftop venue, Top Yard. Lickweed is bringing the scratch and bass vibes!

Why: There’s no better way to ring in the summer season than with a pounding bass and back full of troubling brown dots, which, statistically, cannot all be benign.


5) Babylon Fall: Christmas Special

22nd December

What: Melbourne’s premier night of Dub, Roots, Bass and Sound System Culture returns for Christmas! In the spotlight is Pugilist. Arguably Melbourne’s most prolific Dub producer, Pugilist seamlessly blends genres from the deepest ambient dub techno through to Dub-Step and Jungle.

Why: Who knew Sound System Culture was a thing? Does that mean we have to respect it like, say, Japanese culture? Or can we treat it like the viscerally and intellectually nauseating shitshow that it is like Bro culture?


4) Unicorns: A Nightmare Before Queer-Mas

22nd December

What: The final Unicorns event of the year is near! An explosive night of drag, drinks and DJ dance. Time to wrap yourself in paper, don your version of a nightmare-ish outfit and start practicing your forward rolls and drop splits as for the infamous Unicorns lip sync battle!

Why: Floor trembling with assaultively loud music? People lip syncing? Drunk moist people grinding on each other? All you need is your mother in a g-string, fifteen spiders crawling out of your mouth and Nicolas Cage screaming (or laughing, there’s no way to tell) in the corner and it truly lives up to the word ‘nightmare’.


3) Randy at the McKinnon Hotel

20th December

What: Australia’s premier non-human stand up comedian has had a long year: a national tour, an eight week off-Broadway season in New York City, various award nominations and too many falafels. See Randy (without Sammy J) in his natural habitat doing what he does best – appearing from the waist up while screaming into a microphone.

Why: It’ll make a nice change laughing without any sense of bitter irony at a bald puppet with some guys hand up his ass. So turn off the news about world politics and come and get drunk with a purple comedian.


2) Shared Christmas Party at Melbourne Zoo

21st December

What: This Shared Christmas Party is purrrrfect for small or larger groups looking to have all the (Christmas) bells and whistles that come with a grand end of year celebrations! Guests will be taken to a secret location where they will enjoy a night in one of the Zoo’s private spaces with an outdoor terrace, unlimited cocktail style food and beverages and a special animal experience packed with entertainment. So put some rrroooar into your festive event with a wild night of adventure at Melbourne Zoo!

Why: Nothing says Christmas fun like the heady aroma of animal faeces and the morally uncomfortable nature of zoos.


1) Jim Jefferies The Night Talker Tour 

17th December

What: With a monumental seven comedy specials; his own acclaimed sit‐com (Legit) and self-titled late show on TV; sold out arenas around the world and an hour-plus of brand new material every time he hits the road with a new tour, the The Jim Jefferies Show anchor is heading back to Australia.

Why: He holds the world record for most uses of the word ‘cunt’ onstage. He’s a bloody pioneer.

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