Top 10 Melbourne Revelry On this week 11/11/2018
Come, Melbourne, to the land of the wild things. Bill Murray’s here. Just…ignore Smash Mouth. We don’t know how they got in and we can’t get them to leave.
10) Smash Mouth
Californian rockers, Smash Mouth, have just announced they will return to Australia with a tour of their classic hits such as ‘All Star’. They rode the wave of the 90’s ‘alternative’ music scene, the 2000’s wave of Shrek and now they’re washing up on our shores. Bloated, pasty, riddled with mold and ripe for an autopsy.
9) Halloumi Festival
The inaugural festival of everyone’s favourite squeaky cheese featuring Halloumi food tasting, Halloumi making, paired cocktails and vibes. We assume the vibes will be mostly comprised of sweat, gas and wild indigestion.
8) Melbourne Night Noodle Markets
An 18-day night market set at Melbourne’s Birrarung Marr featuring a plethora of Asian-inspired street food including Miso Fresh Food Truck, Bao Brothers, Oriental Tea House and live music. Don’t be misled by the name ‘Night Noodle Markets’. We’ve already explained that this is a family event, you filthy thing. The best prostitutes are on Top Street, South Melbourne.
7) 100% Pure Honey
100% Pure Honey is a collective that’s taking advantage of the disco-revival wave sweeping across Melbourne, and will be hosting a night of disco partying. It’s what we all feared people. Disco is once again alive. Cock your guns and tell your children to lock the doors. The zombie Rick James is coming.
Didirri is an up-and-coming singer-songwriter whose “uninhibited lyrics tug at raw nerves, while his charming melodies soothe your heart”. This folk musician will be strumming your heart strings in the Corner Hotel. While your liver will be screaming it’s epitaph due to the vast amounts of liquor it takes to appreciate contemporary folk music.
5) Green Velvet — Park Day Party
A day-party in Melbourne’s lush inner-city park featuring headline DJ and house-electro singer-songwriter Green Velvet, who’s been inspired by the works of Kraftwerk, Prince and Gary Numan, followed by Heidi and Phil Kieran, who have both played at some of the biggest electronic music festivals in the world. Nothing says deep house head-smashing electro like a day in the park during Melbourne springtime with the sounds of children playing on the monkey bars nearby.
4) Anything But Clothes AXP Cruise
An infamous party cruise with drinks, dance and absolutely, strictly ANYTHING but clothes. Their advice? Come wearing garbage, your mother’s patchwork quilt, a series of carefully pinned together pages from the national geographic you stole from the doctor’s office. Don’t wear clothes. But you must wear something. It makes sense. You gotta have something to puke up those fourteen vodka cruisers on.
3) Where The Wild Things Are Festival Launch Party
A music festival bringing you the best new acts from around the globe will be launching once again in February and this launch party is to help fund it. Expect a night of cocktails, dance, DJs, live music and the ‘WiLdeSt of creatures’…rattling a collecting tin in your face. But don’t worry, they’ll make sure to rattle those tins in perfect synchronicity with the sick beats.
2) CHASERS 40th Birthday
It’s the 40th anniversary celebration of the Chaser’s bar, a legendary bar that’s hosted some of the wildest nights in Melbourne’s mad history. Wear your best 70s, 80s and 90s outfits in a night of boozy nostalgia. There’ll be a videographer there to capture you “having the time of your life”, so you don’t wake up the next morning with no memory, looking like a member of The Ramones and thinking ‘holy shit, I have to warn everybody about the Iran-Iraq war.’
1) Bill Murray New Worlds Tour
Legendary actor, comedian and all-round rogue Bill Murray is teaming up with virtuosic cellist Jan Vogler for a live performance that combines music and the art of words, discovering the artistic connections that have been fired between America and Europe and the rest of the world via American visionaries such as Twain and Hemingway, Bernstein and Gershwin. This is a live performance of artistic legacy. Note ‘artistic legacy’. We need not question the more troubling details of the personal lives of any of the roguish artists in this show. A cellist’s bow can be a pretty lethal weapon.