Top 10 Melbourne Revelry On this week 05/08/2018

Apply nipple cream and stretch your pre-greased limbs, Melbourne. Or you’ll be spending next week in surgery.


10) Good Cop

10th August

Meet at the ol’…uh…IGA store. Okay, it’s not the most romantic of beginnings but we can damn sure bet it’ll pay off by the end of the night. A walk through tour of contemporary experimental art followed by a party at Post Industrial Design. This is the one time when drunken fragmentary phraseology will actually sound impressive to whomever you’re trying to score with. I mean, it’s contemporary art. Who the hell’s actually gonna know the difference?


9) Battle of the Bands at The Shamrock

10th August

The luck o’ the Irish. Yeah, they’ll pretty much be banking on that. It’s your run of the mill battle of the bands with a difference…the bar is so dark you won’t even hurt their feelings with your impressively constructed tower of whisky bottles. Hey. They have their talents, you have yours.


8) MGA Sound’s 1st Birthday

4th-5th August

“The atmosphere’s really sick”. Or so they say. Good news, at least you’ll be getting a preview of what your Monday morning’s gonna look like. A secret venue, a less-than-secret birthday night of mad dance, Golden Age DJs and free Kimono-clad entry.’s-1st-Birthday/2dba79e0-95f2-11e8-b46c-77c2608f137f


7) Snow Party ft MELT

10th August

Snow, FX, Custom Decor and a psygressive night to salve your most troubling desires for music that sounds as though it’s pumped directly from the anus of a coked-up unicorn.


6) Central Beer District

4th August-9th September

But it’s not just what it sounds like, cause, kids, it opens at 6am. Thank you, heavenly city tourism planner, for the early morning lube we are about to receive.


5) A Whisky Inspired High Tea

11th August

Yes. Yes. Finally. A day wherein you can dress like a cobbled-together approximation of a Wilde-ean Mrs Malaprop and Hyacinth Bucket and get utterly scandalously sloshed.


4) Great Gatsby Boat Party

11th August

I’m not f-ing leaving! The show goes on! Wait…sorry. Wrong DiCaprio. We’re talking about the one where he plays a decadent sociopathic whore-monger. Okay…this is harder than we thought. But the good thing is the description’s really in the title.


3) The Experiment

10th August

Two cities. 10 hours. 50 artists. Live art. …Kiwis? Yes, a live simultaneous art party wherein you’ll be spending 10 hours simultaneously simulating some kind of version of a motor neuron disease via dance with our New Zealand friends cross the pond.


2) WinterWild Festival: Death

10th-11th August

Taking place over two weekends. To ring in the darkness; to the ring in the light. Death, the first weekend, will feature live music from indie rock powerhouse Tropical Fuck Storm, punk band Mesa Cosa, alternative rockers RVG and Magic Dirt’s Adalita. There’ll be live art walking tours, spoken word poetry (sorry, they just can’t afford that much repellant this year) and a host of Melbournian bars embracing the darkest of the dark in music and liquor. Suit up, nightlings. You’ll not have to feign happiness…until next week.


1) Jimmy Webb Tour

9th August

With his own friends and keys and credit cards. One of America’s greatest song writers -though in the current climate that standard has undoubtedly been warped in some strange manner – is coming back to Australian shores joined by Barnesy, David Campbell Kate Ceberano, Ed Kuepper and Ian Moss.

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