Top 10 Melbourne Revelry On this week 02/09/2018
Wear layers, Melbourne. For Spring may be officially here, but this week we’re launching you into the spiritual ether, shoving you through the birth canal and shooting you straight down to hell. Plus, layers are so in this season.
10) Morgan Evans Kiss Somebody Australian Tour
Ahh, country music. You know. He met a girl, girl did him wrong, something about an abusive father and and drifting through the American south west with a dog named rusty and a friend named Johnny Walker…you know the drill. And even though this guy is far younger than the usual Country crooners, he’s earned his bones by touring with the likes of Taylor Swift. Yes. There’s nothing more indicative of a life of true pain than a tour with Taylor Swift.
9) Rebirth Festival
No, this isn’t some new kind of cult. Which is perhaps unfortunate. They usually have pretty good deli spreads and free credit checks. But once again, we digress, this is Gunn Music’s inaugural festival of Melbourne’s newest rock acts featuring Chasing Lana, Figures, Dirt River Radio, Dellacomia Rio, Echo Del Tusker, Shadowqueen, One Kingdom, Black Dog, Shewolf and The Sptting Shadows.
8) Hoi Polloi: Episode III
Hoi Polloi’s planting their seed. Sounds tantalising, right? Despite their somewhat lacking talent with phraseology, Hoi Polloi knows how to throw a hell of a sexy, boozy borderline illegal soiree before they’re sent off. Expect soft light, lace underwear, what can technically be termed ‘art’ and what artistically can be termed ‘techno’.
7) Cookin’ on 3 Burners
So you better get in fast before the whole place burns to the ground. A night of sweet soul and dirty dance funk, smoky vocals and a drum beat with breaks uhh “tighter than a mosquito’s tweeter”. We’re not sure what that means, but we’re assuming there’ll be blood.
6) Whitebear EP Launch
The hermit is emerging from his shell; and like that freak Homer, he’s brought with him an odyssey from within the depths of his most incestuous subconscious. To be clear, this is 2018, so to clarify, the equivalent to Homer’s epic is an EP of driving bass and electro experimentations.
5) Father’s Day Whisky Class
You’ll never be able to impress him. So, get him drunk. It’s what he really wants and what you really need. Treat the ol’ pater to an hour and a half (really, that’s your time limit for being around each other anyway) of a guided selection of Whiskies not only from Scotland, but from Taiwan, India and even Australia. It’s whisky around the world. It’s whisky all round. He’ll love it. Even though he might not be able to say it to your face.
4) No Mono Album Launch
To be clear, that’s the band’s name. We accept no liability for any viral infections you may contract at this thing, and considering the nature of this event, we’d like to emphasise this. Duo No Mono’s dark electronic blend of organic sounds, subtle synths and an unearthly voice will be melting your crusty soul into the ether of no return (and no refunds).
3) Broken Buddha
Ha! Don’t worry. There’ll be no ridding oneself of the corruption of want. This is the other kind of spiritual leader. The Johnny Cash coyote kind with the mp3 player crammed with psytrance and a perennial hangover. And he knows how to party.
2) Hell on the Bay VI
Who says hell can only be reached on a highway via automobile? This is the 21st century and, by gum, hell has to figure out new and exciting ways to expand their market. So they’re taking their damned show to the open seas. Melbourne’s Heavy Metal Party Cruise – themed ‘Evil’ (hey, it’s hell, it’s the antithesis of creative) will see live metal bands, DJs below decks and a pack of punters of the demon, deviant and sinful monster variety.
1) Melbourne Fashion Week
31st August-7th September
8 days, 150 events, 300 Designers, 10 runways, and enough sound proof bathroom stalls with reinforced stomach-acid-proof ceramic toilet bowls, equipped with industrial quantities of glen 20 to ensure you fashionistas look and smell your runway best.