Top 10 Melbourne Culture On this week 25/11/2018
Purge your guts, Melbourne. You’ll need all the space you have to cram this week down your throat.
10) The BIG Breakfast
What: A beautifully cooked vegetarian buffet breakfast before a day of instructional aroma therapy.
Why: With the state of the world today, some days you sink into a depression so deep it seems as though you may never recover. Then you hear about a vegan buffet before a day of healing aroma therapy and you…finally just shoot your brains out.
9) ALTO’s 5th Birthday EOY Celebration
What: A 5th birthday celebration with young entrepreneurs and community leaders in the Australian-Italian Community and their supporters with gourmet food, cocktails and dancing.
Why: A fun way to secretly atone for that racist impression you do of the freaky Dolmio’s pasta sauce puppet.
8) The Wiggles Wiggle Pop! Show
1st & 2nd December
What: The Wiggles Pop! Big Show will feature all your favourite Wiggles songs such as ‘Do the Propeller!’, ‘E-M-M-A’, ‘Hot Potato’ and ‘Rock-a- Bye Your Bear’. You’ll see The Wiggles, their Wiggly friends and dancers, Santa Claus and dancing reindeers.
Why: Bring your kids! Or lock your kids at home, visit your sketchy friend Andy down the street with the things in interesting baggies, feel your pupils dilate and enjoy the hell out of the show!
7) Kuwaii’s 10 Year Birthday Party!
What: Join the Kuwaii team to celebrate 10 years of Kuwaii and the launch of their Sustainable Classics Range. With a live runway, a new fashion forward film by Paige Anderson, food by Firecracker Event and wine from Noisy Ritual.
Why: Well, be forewarned. This is a fashion event. We assume the food provided by Firecracker contains some kind of explosive laxative and the wine from Noisy Ritual? …We can’t begin to imagine what that means.
6) Queer, Trans & GNC Clothes Swap
What: A clothes swap for the queer, trans and gender non-conforming community. Sometimes it’s hard to find clothes that represent your true self and that going shopping can be inaccessible due to costs, the existence of queer/transphobia and fashion that is made exclusively for certain body types. There’ll be a free mocktail bar, free tarot readings by Nic Alea, free food and a chance to meet some new people.
Why: This is the one wonderful time when the phrase “clothes that represent your true self” isn’t projected on a forty million dollar diamond screen at fashion week with a preying mantis glaring at you wearing a bear carcass.
5) K-TOWN SHIK with Kimchi Pete x Supernormal Canteen
What: Supernormal Canteen will welcome guest ‘Kimchi Pete’ to take over the hibachi grills for K-TOWN SHIK. Serving his dynamic interpretation of Korean food, he has received critical acclaim and his food was recently described by the New York Times as ‘utterly fascinating, and delicious to boot’. Drop into the Supernormal Canteen for “oodles of seasonal produce-driven dishes from the raw bar, hibachi ssam & buckets of kimchi”.
Why: This is a specific message to all you folks in $200 ripped jeans and weather-incongruent fedoras who are currently waking up to their morning Kombucha. Kimchi tends to be one of those foreign foods it’s impossible to repurpose into a latte or an ice-cream. Though we did recently see a ‘beetroot’ latte. So…perhaps this is more of a challenge we’re issuing. The Kimchi awaits.
4) LAKE PEOPLE with Nicola Cruz, Martha Van Straaten, Uone & Moontide
What: A music festival of folk, psy-trance and electro sampling by the lake.
Why: Nothing says ‘good music’ like spewing gentle folk sounds out of a screaming synth.
3) Bollywood Summer Beach Party
What: Party with Melbourne’s No.1 Bollywood DJs at Bar 420! Catch the Bollywood fever and celebrate the arrival of summer with a Bollywood theme, free beach balls and flower leis on the night.
Why: There’s nothing you white kids love more than celebrating cherry-picked misappropriated aspects of a foreign culture with music loud enough to prevent you from mulling over the deeply troubling implications.
2) Raw – An Uncooked Food Festival
What: Raw is a food festival with a delicious difference – everything is uncooked. A two hour feast of bottomless raw food including oysters, steak tartare, prawns, ceviche and more, plus a complimentary glass of natural wine.
Why: It comes with a lovely swarm of intestinal tapeworms to clean up the mess inside you. It’ll be like you never gorged yourself at all!
1) One Electric Day
What: Headlined by Australian rock icon Jimmy Barnes, and including the likes of the legendary The Angels, Ian Moss, Jon Stevens, Richard Clapton and Thirsty Merc, this is the epitome of an Oz rock festival.
Why: You heard right. Thirsty Merc. They’re…still alive. Turns out they weren’t formed out of some weird country-wide toxic fume leak-caused inoffensive pop-rock delusion.