Top 10 Melbourne Culture On this week 29/07/2018

Fringe, folly, sugar spun seance and cinema in inverse. Welcome, Melbourne, to…the others.


10) Australian National Poetry Slam

4th August

Let’s start this off with a bit of redemption. Listen to the youth spring forth their click-y passion regarding the torrid climate which we call reality. And here’s a tip: Wear something with a high adjustable collar or a wrap-around scarf. You mayn’t be able to wipe off your bitter cynical, superior scowl, but at least you’ll be able to mask it.


9) Amateur Filmmaking Networking Night

1st August

A night of slightly boozy collaboration with the lovers, the fighters and the weirdos. Bring your defunct projectors, your film strips and your tie and tails and headily discuss all things film…and bring that little film work you’ve spliced together that’s been waiting like an increasingly impatient monster in your drawer. They won’t judge. And they’ll be far too buzzed…and dually guilty to call the authorities.


8) Write on the Fringe Festival 

3rd August

Quirky? Too quirky to be appreciated by those damn Writers Festivals? Well, look no further than the fringe. A week of workshops, speakers, performances and exhibitions to tickle your typewriter (we know you have one and it wasn’t cheap), and stick it to the “official” man.


7) Wes Anderson Retrospective

29th July-29th August

Pastels? A quirky male lead with deceased relatives? People of culture as personified cultural attache…cases? Manic..manic pixie dream girls everywhere…? DEAR GOD. Do you hear that? Is that an obscure lute of some kind? Holy Christ, what am I looking at here? We’re in a Wes Anderson film. That’s what. Quick. Buy your tickets now before you contract that weird eye disease where everything becomes symmetrical. You’ll never be able to look at your cat in profile again without wondering how it’s going to take a dump.


6) The Victorian Fair Trade Festival Market 

4th August

You! Hey, you! Put down that brioche, you filthy scab. It’s time you gave back. Believe us, it tastes a hell of a lot better. Bring your reusable hessian sack (trust us on this one – you don’t want to be stoned by ethically sourced hand made pottery; they have sharper grittier edges) and come on down to the fair trade festival for a fortnight of fair trade, ethical business and one damn fine conscience enema.


5) Cinematic Inversa

4th August

Experience the film how it once was. And we don’t just mean the absence of a hundred glowing iPhones shakily pirating Marvel’s latest minor twist on their fairly extensive blueprint. This be a night of live improvised music to silent films, classy cocktails, ties, tails and a time warp without the slight pitfalls of (more blatant) wildly rampant and sexual oppression.


4) Séance at Queen Victoria Market

4th August

Lights out, Melbourne. Don’t get too comfortable. The dead are rising. Tingle your spine in a 40ft shipping container of sensory deprivation wherein your perception of sound and reality is in the skeletal ghost like hands of…who knows. But…just to be sure, you’ll want to double check with your lawyers that your inheritance is legally protected from all paranormal interference.


3) The Other Art Fair 

2nd August

You sick, sad catastrophe. Boy, have we got the event for you. Over 100 talented independent and emerging artists in a festival of the strangest and most disgusting and beautiful artistic experimentation to ever grace your eyeballs. Situated in the creative beating heart of Melbourne, this is the place to experience and perhaps invest in the young…right before they experience an explosive mark up.


2) Sugar Republic

4th August

Adulthood sucks. So, we say, screw it. Why pretend? Oh yeah. Cause it’s FUN. Relive your childhood at the Sugar Republic! A huge ball-pit, a swing in a fairy-floss room, a giant jump-outable birthday cake, a mini cinema of the sweetest films, a sherbet rainbow bridge, a wall of sprinkles and a severe chronic case of type 2 diabetes that’ll ensure you won’t even live past 35! It’s a problem that solves itself!


1) Melbourne International Film Festival

3rd-19th August

One of the oldest film festivals in the world is hobbling its way back onto the screens “to bring to you the story of the world through curated and unforgettable screen experiences.” And, of course, hundreds of contexts wherein you won’t have to figure out how to strap a secret whisky flask to your person without danger of spillage. In other words: it’s practically a film festival mandate to be buzzed 95% of the time.

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