Top 10 Melbourne Culture On this week 20/01/2019
Do you give a damn about your reputation? Good. This week’s loaded with pretentious crap and unearned nostalgia.
10) UNZIPPED Exhibition Opening
What: Unzipped features pun-tastic miniature dioramas by Melbourne street artist Tinky who brings her humorous work from the laneways of Melbourne into contemporary boutique Lord Coconut in a titillating exhibition. The exhibition ‘Unzipped’ comprises tiny occupants that exist simply to amuse. Often finding themselves in questionable scenarios, each miniature character persists with a juicy adventure with unwitting wittiness.
Why: Like your grandmother’s Hummel figurines but less perverse.
9) Mad Hatter Tea Party
What: Want to meet other young lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer/questioning, asexual (LGBTIQA+) young people? High tea will be provided as well as live music and give aways! Prizes for best costume. Come discover your community.
Why: Or don’t. There is absolutely no reason for you to force yourself to engage with the kind of people who consider high tea anything more than an overblown misuse of cucumbers.
8) Taste of: Jakarta
What: Come join the fifth ‘Taste Of’ event during which will be featured some of the exciting young gun coffee roasters of the Indonesian scene. There’ll be ‘knock-off’ Beer Cans from the neighbours across the road, Moon Dog, and delicious, organic cold iced-tea from Chamellia.
Why: It’ll be a change in what we Australians usually consider to be a taste of Jakarta. We’re not the biggest fans of coffee, to be quite honest, but it sure does taste more pleasant than a prison sentence.
7) Cheese & Wine Tour
What: Join 1932 Cafe & Restaurant for an Art Deco cheese and wine pairing experience followed by a formal guided tour of Melbourne’s most renowned Neo-Gothic building.
Why: Nothing so mirrors the Neo-Gothic era of rampant poverty and child abuse than a cheese and wine pairing experience.
6) Burns Night at Highlander
What: Celebrate Robbie Burns Day with an introduction to Scottish culture, a few wee drams of whisky and a delicious 3 course Scottish dinner with a Sean Connery-esque sounding host and famous Scottish choreographer, Andy Howitt.
Why: Or just buy cheap whisky and watch some Frankie Boyle. No one. We repeat, no one. Should have to listen to a Sean Connery impression. No matter how drunk they are. It’s a matter of bloody consent.
5) Art By Twilight
What: View Mirka Mora: Pas de Deux—Drawings and Dolls after hours for cool summer nights of art and live music featuring the Australian Art Orchestra (AAO) with an emphasis on improvisation.
Why: There’s no better way to experience art than in your peripheral vision whilst drinking.
4) Rainbow Serpent Festival
What: From a small gathering in a secluded clearing, to an internationally recognised, multifaceted weekend of dance, colour, expression and celebration, this is one of the best electro and psy-trance music, art and lifestyle festivals in the world.
Why: Just remember, kids. Don’t take drugs. There’ll be loads at the festival.
3) Red Hot Summer Tour Ballarat 2019 feat. Chocolate Starfish, Richard Clapton, Diesel, The Living End, Joan Jet & The Blackhearts and Jimmy Barnes
What: The red hot summer tour is back featuring Australia’s favourite son Jimmy Barnes, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts, The Living End, Diesel, Richard Clapton and Chocolate Starfish.
Why: Hey kid, wanna see a dead body? How bout six?
2) Beechworth Music Festival
What: Beechworth Music Festival showcases a diverse range of alternative music, acts and artists to allow you to indulge in the soundtrack of this weekend.
Why: Oh yes, it’s held in a former asylum. But don’t get your hopes up. The chances of a forgotten inmate being roused in a murderous rage by the interminable noise of a ukelele are slim to none. Even the clincally insane are too jaded to move themselves to care about contemporary music.
1) Midsumma Festival
19th January-10th February
What: Midsumma Festival is Melbourne’s annual celebration of LGBTQIA+ arts culture and Melbourne’s diverse communities!
Why: Remember those bigoted geriatric relatives that still haven’t left your house since Christmas? Well, what a way to send those frigid freeloaders packing!