Top 10 Melbourne Culture On this week 17/03/2019

Clear your throat and part your lips. A meat storm is on the horizon. We’re not ashamed of that phrasing.


10) Eat The Issue x Peaches

18th March

What: “Eat The Issue” is an industry initiative started by young chef George Wintle, aiming to raise awareness and de-stigmatise mental health within the hospitality industry. “Eat The Issue” aims to tackle the stigmas associated with mental health through conversation and enact cultural change where hospitality workers won’t shy away from stepping forward.

Why: Considering we’ve once stood behind a person in a cafe with his own hand crafted wooden pipe and pocket square screaming at a barista for ten solid minutes about the pronunciation of ‘Ristretto’ we’re not surprised this is a necessary intervention.


9) Art Anywhere?

22nd March

What: Comprising a series of short presentations, performances and discussions featuring the work of artists, curators and other creative practitioners working well beyond the limits of established exhibition formats, this symposium event will explore dynamic contemporary artistic practices at the outermost limits of location-specificity.

Why: Like discussing with your partner about where to place the sofa in relation to the african art piece in relation to the driftwood table without the promise of sex afterwards.


8) The Model Citizen: Modelling the Viral

22nd March

What: Can one conceive of the post-human as virus and virus-like? What will AI machines ‘do to’ model citizenship? In this talk, as part of the exhibition The Model Citizen, Adam Nash, John McCormick and Asim Bhatti explore the way sentient technologies impact on artistic practice and on the way the world is lived and understood. Drawing upon their own robot-viral-machines, they shine a light on the black mirror of the contemporary age. The talk will end with a Q & A.

Why: This’ll have to hold you until the TV series returns.


7) Art Forum with Simone Douglas

21st March

What: Associate Professor Simone Douglas is a NYC based artist, curator and writer and the Director of the MFA Fine Arts program at Parsons School of Design, The New School NY. Her practice incorporates installation, photography, video and site-specific works.

Why: Watch an artist talk about the nature of art in relation to their own artistic practice. Or just stay home and google ‘woman pleasures herself for an hour’.


6) Yamamoto Sake Tasting

23rd March

What: Yamamoto san is one brewer shaking things up in the sake world. His modern styles of sake are refreshing and vibrant and uniquely his, earning him a reputation as one of the top brewers in the sake scene today. Be one of the first in Australia to taste the Yamamoto Ice Blue Junmai Daiginjo, along with a few of his other signature brews.

Why: We’re not that well affiliated with the Melbourne sake crowd. Because we just can’t commit ourselves to grooming a moustache more meticulously than Hercule Poirot on an overnight train journey to a murder scene every day. But we assume if you can, then there really isn’t much going on in your life and you might be interested in this.


5) Nazeem Hussain LIVE

19th March

What: Nazeem Hussain is one of the most in-demand TV and radio personalities in Australia. His TV show ‘Orange is The New Brown’ premiered on Channel 7 in 2018, and he has co-headlined the hit show Fear of a Brown Planet at festivals across the globe. Come experience him LIVE.

Why: If there’s one thing we know about quality young comedians it’s that they spend the majority of their time waxing lyrical on defunct broadcast media.


4) Alyssa Edwards Dancing Queen Tour

22nd March

What: She’s back, back, back again direct from her Netflix reality show, Dancing Queen. Alyssa is coming back down-under with her brand new 75 minute show, Dancing Queen. Expect high kicks, death drops, kooky ooky stories, new costumes, new numbers and a full night of entertainment from one of the biggest queens in the world.

Why: It’s got everything. Including the opportunity to give your bigoted relatives a liability-free heart attack.


3) Momo Fest 

17th March

What: Momo Fest is the only event of its kind in Australia dedicated to glorious momos. With over 30 varieties of momos, it is a paradise for dumpling lover. There will also be a full spectrum of the most amazing entertainments ranging from live music featuring international and local bands, DJs, multicultural performances, roving performers, kids entertainment, workshops and momo competitions.

Why: Invest yourself in Nepalese culture in the only truly valuable way: fast food.


2) Meatstock: The Music and Barbecue Festival 

23rd & 24th March

What: The carnival for carnivores returns to Melbourne for round three. Meatstock will be hosting some of the meatiest names in barbecue. The flaming hot, two day lineup includes competitions such as the ‘Barbecue and Butcher Wars’, as well as demonstrations and workshops. The event is garnished with a backdrop of live bands, BBQ inspired food trucks and craft beer from Yaks Ales.

Why: A festival ending in ‘-stock’ that instead of preventing violent deaths as a result of genuine war will result in a steep increase of obesity-related deaths as a result of a meat-based war. Pacifism clearly has its evils.


1) Melbourne Food and Wine Festival 

17th-24th March

What: Food and wine lovers in their hundreds and thousands each year indulge in bespoke events that fill Melbourne’s labyrinthine network of restaurants, laneways, lights-turned-down basements, dizzying rooftops as well as spilling into spectacular regional Victoria. The Melbourne Food and Wine Festival is all about supporting and cultivating the very things that make Melbourne – and the surrounding regions – a gastronomic playground.

Why: Eat, drink and make merry. Consume laxatives, vomit whisky and regret your lifestyle choices. Repeat.

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