Top 10 Melbourne Culture On this week 10/02/2019

It’s Valentine’s week! And you know what that means! Nothing in the grand scheme of things.


10) Soul Star Holistic Festival

16th February

What: Come join the tribe at the summer holistic festival! There’ll be shop stalls covering wellness inspired products, a tasty wellness food hub covering Paleo, vegan, organic, gluten free and sugar free requirements, Yoga, Qi Gong, Meditation, Live Mass Healings, Sound Healings and Full Moon Ceremonies.

Why: There’ll also be absolutely no deodorant. We mean none.


9) Well I Think You’re Perfect: A Solo Show

15th February

What: The Fitzroy Art Collective presents the first solo show of artist and cartoonist Tim Kroschel. Tim’s work addresses modern social issues as well our own insecurities, fears and doubts that we all must deal with on a daily basis.

Why: Like twitter but with the added ego of a corporeal gallery.’re-Perfect:-A-Solo-Show/b1373180-2b3b-11e9-b14f-a713526e5192


8) Death of an Alchemist by Michael Prior

16th February

What: Michael Prior is a photo-alchemist. Master of his technique, in silver-halides he paints the very fabric of mortality. Death of an Alchemist documents the ‘effects of advanced myeloma on a photographer’s body’. It utilises lenseless, infrared, instant and extreme-durational imaging techniques going back to the earliest photographic methods to create a set of chilling self-portraits. The process of his own death is here suspended in gelatin.

Why: We’d make some quip about something but we feel the description itself stands as a pretty good indication of the interplay between solipsism, perversion of semantics and sticky goo that encompasses contemporary art.


7) Intergalactic Wonderland

15th February

What: Hungry Panda are taking over InnSaei Gallery in Malvern for one night to create an interactive art exhibition combining various artforms and entertainment to celebrate life and creativity. Featuring installation art, performance, music & magic.

Why: Nothing says progressive new media art like the name of one of the most obsolete evolutionarily regressive animals on the planet.


6) Four Treasures: Opening Event

13th February

What: Drawing on thousands of years of tradition, local ink painters and calligraphers celebrate Chinese New Year with a selection of recent works. This exhibition, curated by senior citizens of the Melton Chinese Friendship Association, is a sample of the fine ink and brush techniques used to create delicate lines, shades and tones in these two time-honoured Chinese art forms.

Why: You only have to go in for two minutes. Take a couple of pictures. Pretend to be intellectually hungry and culturally au fait. Then leave, violently satisfy your true hunger for liquor and admit to your knowledge of culturally questionable food combinations (we just found out about ice-cream waffle tacos).


5) The Queen & The Doctor

14th February

What: Head Chef Ash Monks (Dr Morse) and Head Chef Jabili Mchawala (Rice Queen) will be guest starring together with a dinner service that promises plenty of wok, spice and grill. Ring in the year of the pig with a pork banquet and your favourite ‘Aussie’ Chinese dishes.

Why: Ring in the day after Valentine’s with your true love: laxatives and cooling anal ointment.


4) An Evening in the Gardens on Valentine’s Day

14th February

What: Celebrate love in the gardens within a secluded marquee and dine amongst the lush landscape of the Royal Botanic Gardens on Valentine’s Day. Indulge in a four course menu created by Executive Chef of The Atlantic, Nick Mahlook. Your exclusive table will be set within a state of the art clear span structure to complement your evening under the stars.

Why: Nothing so acknowledges the depth of your love for your significant other like shoving your face with food so you don’t have to talk to them.’s-Day/4ee889e0-2b3e-11e9-b14f-a713526e5192


3) Riverboats Music Festival 

15th-17th February

What: Staged in the twin-towns of Echuca-Moama Riverboats takes place under towering river red gums in a natural amphitheatre next to the mighty Murray. Historic paddlesteamers meander past all weekend. One stage and plenty of room for dancing, brilliant artists and some of the best food trucks going round.

Why: Ahh, yes. Dancing, artists, gourmet food, paddlesteamers, red gums, stormwater runoff, shack septic tank seepage, river vessel discharges, irrigation drainage…everything wonderful about the Murray River in the glorious days.


2) Bruthen Blues & Arts Festival 

15th-17th February

What: Bruthen Blues & Arts Festival is a volunteer-run, family-friendly event which reflects the inclusive spirit of Bruthen and East Gippsland. The town puts on a showcase of stalls, music in the street, workshops, garage sales and of course music at the Bruthen Inn Hotel that is the best in its class.

Why: Blues music. Derived from “the blue devils”. Intense visual hallucinations due to alcohol withdrawal. Originating from the slave south. Now it references a state of general depression. What’s more family-friendly than that?


1) St Kilda Festival 

10th February

What: St Kilda Festival is a free celebration of community spirit, Australian music and the beautiful St Kilda foreshore with over 100 food trucks, over 80 unique market stalls, roving performers, art installations, face painting, a kids carnival and a sideshow alley!

Why: A celebration truly encompassing the troublingly minuscule attention span of grown adults and their progeny. This festival comes with a guarantee. Every time you spend over 5 seconds contemplating your own mortality, you get a balloon.

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