Top 10 Melbourne Culture On this week 03/03/2019
The Eagles are coming!
10) Global Fashion Exchange + Virgin Australia Melbourne Fashion Festival
One of the simplest and most sustainable ways to give garments greater longevity is to provide them with a second life with a new owner. Which is why GFX is coming to VAMFF to save your clothes from landfill and swap your wardrobe! Bring up to 5 fabulous items that you would give your friend and be ready to find a whole new wardrobe!
We’ll be honest. Palming off soiled clothing is the man reason we don’t really have friends anymore. But who needs friends that don’t believe in vaccinating their children? And who’ve thought a baby onesie from grandma’s attic would retain the smallpox virus?
9) Exhibition Opening: Women of the West
What: This exhibition recognises Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander women’s inspirational stories and contributions to local communities in Melbourne’s west. The opening event will have a relaxed panel discussion with some of the women depicted in the exhibition, and time to chat over catering by Charcoal Lane.
Why: Your moral tonic for the week, Melbourne. Boring and mildly guilt-inducing. So you can skip the visit to your parents.
8) Kobe Bryant: The Mamba Mentality LIVE
What: One of the greatest basketball players of all time, global icon, Kobe Bryant is making his first ever visit to Australia to present “THE MAMBA MENTALITY EXPERIENCE”. The Mamba Mentality experience will include Kobe unplugged, uncensored in an open conversation about his life, his tips for success, the amazing career he has had on and off the court, as well as the stories of the people he has played with and met throughout his journey. Kobe will also take part in an audience Q&A session with attendees on the night.
Why: To be honest, we have nothing for this one. He’s tall. He often succeeds in throwing a ball in a hoop. People will pay over $5000 to be in his presence. He was named after beef. There could be something fundamentally wrong with society’s values, but then again, we did just spend 2 hours of our lives and 20 bucks to watch a dog walk for 400 miles. So we don’t want to pull at that thread.
7) Opera in the Market
What: For one memorable night, the historic Queen Victoria Market will be transformed into a theatre like no other, the famous fruit & veg stalls will make way for front stalls as Opera in the Market takes centre stage. Come and indulge your passions with four of Australia’s most successful operatic stars.
Why: One night? Only one night? Oh…wait. Yeah they still have opera in other places year round. We kind of hoped this was a ‘The Purge’ situation.
6) Wine and Cheese Fest
What: Against a stunning backdrop of bay and city views, the Williamstown festival offers free tastings of food and wine, cheese masterclasses, live jazz and DJs over two stages, a kids zone and a Grape Stomping competition. A true celebration of the senses.
Why: Dump your kids, clog your arteries, loosen your bowels and bash up produce. It’s the only way you’ll be able to distract yourself from the sound of live jazz.
5) Moomba Festival
The iconic Moomba Festival showcases a jam-packed, fun-loving and family-friendly program of events and activities along the banks of the Yarra. Release your inner adrenaline junkie on the carnival rides, check out world-class athletes water ski and wakeboard down the river, enjoy performances from talented artists, catch the wacky Birdman Rally and much more this Moomba long weekend.
There’s something for everyone. You know. Like those restaurants that serve dishes called “Cajun Rib Pad Thai with Chips.” Those are quality restaurants.
4) Eagles World Tour
5th & 6th March
What: On this tour, the Eagles – Don Henley, Joe Walsh and Timothy B. Schmit, with Vince Gill and Deacon Frey – will be accompanied on stage by an incredible live band that includes a full horn section and full string section. As the Eagles’ appeal continues to transcend both generation and genre, don’t miss the opportunity to witness Eagles’ unmistakable West Coast harmonies and unparalleled song writing talent come alive as they return to Australia!
Why: Remember that time you thought you’d accidentally suffocated that bird and the reality of death crashed down upon you…and then the bird suddenly flapped it’s wings and limped away to live a seemingly endless existence? Like that but the bird is a 60s soft rock band.
3) Port Fairy Folk Festival
What: This time around, the festival is paying homage to the mother of all festivals, putting its own spin on Woodstock. You’ll be invited to take a step back in time to White Lake New York in 1969, with reimagined interpretations of artists and songs by an absolutely golden lineup including Melisande, Marcia Howard, Nick Barker, Front Country, The Naked Waiters and heaps more.
Why: New York in 1969 except in Australia in 2019. Without Jimi Hendrix, Jefferson Airplane, The Who, Janis Joplin… And without any hope of actually affecting change in the somehow worse political and environmental quagmire we’ve found ourselves in.
2) Death Cab for Cutie ‘Thank You for Today’ Tour
6th & 7th March
What: Seattle’s influential indie-rock luminaries Death Cab for Cutie return to Australia. Adored for their shimmering songwriting and evocative alt-rock style, the veteran musicians will perform their recent ninth studio album Thank You for Today alongside their impressive back-catalogue of hits.
Why: So. We’re at that time when bands from the late nineties can be called ‘veteran musicians’, yet it’s insensitive to ask how exactly they inserted the metal skeleton into Cher’s corpse in order it to be able to perform ‘Dancing Queen’ live.
1) Pitch Music & Arts Festival
What: A budding perennial weekend for current electronic music and creative visions. Here, a community seasoned in swift-footed connections experience Victorian land escape. Over four days inhale a perfectly balanced blend of dance deities, sky-locked music and innermost enjoyment.
Why: We don’t see why they’ve felt the need to be so nebulous in their description. 4 relentless days of synth vomit sounds just as romantic.