Top 10 Melbourne Culture On this week 02/09/2018

Shucks, Melbourne. Hush your mouth and prick up them ears. Cause we’re fixin’ to tell you that we reckon this week’s got more little pills than Carter. And we don’t mean the kind that help your liver.


10) Swinburne Writers Festival

4th-5th September

We’ve been around awhile. We’ve been around YOU awhile, Melbourne, and if there’s one thing we know about the writers of Melbourne, it’s that nothing is more valuable than the promise of free food and drinks. So, holster your quills, your bics, your typewriters, your inkwells, for this two-day free event of workshops and panels will have you ephemerally paying attention between gargantuan mouthfuls…of…let’s call it insight.


9) Australian Food Awards Dinner

6th September

As we’ve said before. Food is woefully under-fetishised in our society today. Come on. There’s only 5 shows about cooking being simultaneously broadcast at a time. When will humanity start to appreciate it properly? Well, fortunately for you, we’ve the solution to what we believe is no less than a violation of ethics: the Australian Food Awards Presentation Dinner. So, line yourself with Mylanta and scrub your tastebuds from last night’s jatz and mayonnaise affair and come on down to the Masterchef set for a three-course celebration and awards presentation of all things (gastrically) digestible.


8) VidCon

2nd September

Well, here it is. You better stock up on iron-clad self-worth now because this is the largest online video community event, assembling fans, veteran and amateur creators, working professionals, top youtube stars and industry pros. And oh yes, tell yo’ mama to shut off locations services on her iPhone.


7) Curry Festival

2nd September

Ready your plumbing, Melbourne, and stock up on anal ointment, because Dandenong Market is playing host to Foodie Trails curry festival! With food trucks and stalls of Indian, Sri Lankan, Malaysian, Mauritian and African cuisine, there’s no better time to bid a fond farewell to most of your insides.


6) Father’s Day Whisky Class

2nd September

You’ll never be able to impress him. So, get him drunk. It’s what he really wants and what you really need. Treat the ol’ pater to an hour and a half (really, that’s your time limit for being around each other anyway) of a guided selection of Whiskies not only from Scotland, but from Taiwan, India and even Australia. It’s whisky around the world. It’s whisky all round. He’ll love it. Even though he might not be able to say it to your face.’s-Day-Whisky-Class/b1a733d0-ae28-11e8-a7fe-5787bc7ecd7b


5) Hyper: Opening Night

5th September

You’ve seen experimental art before. After all, this is Melbourne. It’s not art unless someone’s naked and covered in a substance that has more allegorical solvency than chemical. However, this opening of 222 Roslyn’s second group exhibition is taking it to hyper-level involving emerging and established artists in an all-out war against your threshold for contemporary art.


4) Declared

5th-7th September

The Australiasian Delirium Association is holding their 5th biennial conference in which participants from all over the world will share their knowledge on all aspects of delirium. And…it’s a brilliant way of upping your intellectual credit on Instagram. Scientists at the cutting edge? Check. Picture-perfect complex models of human neurological anatomy? Check. Pink Floyd-esque promo poster? You bet your sweet dark side of the moon.


3) Time Sick Big T Shirt

5th-6th September

One voice; multiple bodies. No, we’re not in the reality of functioning hive minds as of yet, though fans of ska music certainly have us a little concerned. No, this is a one night only artistic performance that explores “waiting for meaning, of delaying a future or being under time pressure are conditions that can be contemplated through the distortion of time that singing creates” and questions “What is the shared sound of bodies learning patience? What happens to minutes, seconds and a personal history when we practice listening?“.


2) Ukrainian Festival

9th September

An all-day concert program of music and dance, feasting on varenyky, borsch, holubsti, sweets, cakes and vodka, beer and cider. It’s the undoubtedly the funnest way to technically educate yourself on a culture that you has so far, for you, been comprised of the middle-range vodka you buy when you want to feel like a high-rolling big-spender.


1) Melbourne Fashion Week

31st August-7th September

8 days, 150 events, 300 Designers, 10 runways, and enough sound proof bathroom stalls with reinforced stomach-acid-proof ceramic toilet bowls, equipped with industrial quantities of glen 20 to ensure you fashionistas look and smell your runway best.

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