They Are Young, They Run Green (Quietly) with Room Service

Humans are able to adapt to almost any conditions. And although the most aggressively moronic of our species are holding steadfast to their conviction that partying on the beach is somehow akin in terms of fighting government oppression to the Tiananmen Square protests, the majority of us have adapted to life in quarantine. We are content to remain indoors, quietly gorging ourselves on increasingly perverse food combinations and cultivating window sill herb gardens alongside liver inflammation.

But there’s a section of society that are genuinely going without as a result of this pandemic. A section that has not yet been prostituted for donations and moral clout by tax dodging charities or tax dodging celebrities.

And that’s because no one has and no one should, under normal circumstances, have sympathy for this section of society.

Middle-class youth.

Under normal conditions, it is every other human’s right to loathe this over-stimulated, over-greasy, dense-boned section of society, but in these circumstances, when all the traditional dodgy alleyways for teen rebellion have literally been roped off, we can’t help but acknowledge the vital sense of pure freedom and contrarianism not being experienced by those who have such a short window before the musty wet towel of adult depression secures itself to their heads.

The spirit of youth is something that cannot be recaptured once lost.

So how, in a pandemic quarantine, do we allow that magical, irreplaceable spirit to run free?

We don’t.

But Saturday’s ‘Room Service’ should shut those little turds up for a solid eleven hours.

Yes, with cancellations of large scale entertainment events due to COVID-19, digital music festival Room Service is bringing back the festival experience to quarantined music lovers around the globe. The concert will feature performances by Yungblud, Channel Tres, Pink Sweat$, Chromeo, Zeds Dead, Borgore, A Boogie wit da Hoodie, Gallant, Griz, Mt. Joy, Trevor Daniel, RAC, Jeremy Zucker, Shallou & more. Proceeds from the event will go directly to COVID-19 relief efforts, including Sweet Relief and Feeding America.

The spirit of this generation’s youth is dying.

The key is to make sure its death rattle doesn’t interrupt the new episode of Masterchef.

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