Melbourne Revellers Weekly Top 10 17/06/18
Gin, strippers, nine hour techno trances…hell…even the yoga is morally questionable this week. Strap in, Melbourne. This week’s going to get hairy.
10) Wine & Unwind Yoga
A balance of cleanse and corruption. Clean your aura, dirty your conscience. A brilliant amuse-bouche for what’s to come below.
9) Eat The Beat Presents: The Pyramid
Eat it, suckers. Free bubbly and beer. New Guernica is leading an all out garage, house and electro assault. Suck, swallow, dance, repeat.
8) Ladies Night Menxclusive
Running hard, running hot. You? Or them? It’s pretty much impossible to tell and pointless to try. Ladies, gents, in the words of the promoters themselves “This show is designed to get you off”. Oh dear. Looks like the end of that quote got cut off a bit there. You know what we meant they meant.
7) ACYA End of Exams Cocktails
Get drunk and party…for education! In more ways than one. Exams are over. So, join ACYA Unimelb for drinks at the Seamstress Cocktail Bar in the name of EGRC (Educating Girls of Rural China). A night of guilt-free intoxication. Kind of…takes some of the fun out of it, right? But not to worry. There’s a raffle.
6) Monkey 47 Jungle Picnic
This isn’t your grandmother’s picnic. It’s your great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother’s picnic. If she happened to be British and was adept at avoiding syphilis. Join Union Electric for gin, oysters, gin, sandwiches, gin, cakes and gin. Pip pip!
5) EQUINOX: UNCUT
You better reabsorb your various descended appendages back into your body. It’ll save time. Equinox presents nine continuous hours of unadulterated techno. You’ll be lucky if you come out as anything other than an amorphous blob of pure sensation. Worth it.
5) Good Food Month
When else will you have such an excellent cover for your gastric tendencies? Stop stuffing your face with french fancies in the office toilet and shed your restraint. Good Food Month is city-sanctioned glut made glamorous.
3) Guy Sebastian
Yup. The guy’s still here. He’s on a mammoth tour in support of his latest album Conscious, so if you missed out last week, here’s your chance.
2) Wednesdays at Bosozoku
All-you-can-eat gyoza at a Japanese biker bar. Cradle light golden parcels filled with delicate flavours between your huge bloody knuckles. Between each of your huge bloody knuckles. Several times. It’s all you can eat. Hell of an image, right?
1) Brady AF
Let’s play…Hoedown! Oh god, not you you witless, talentless hack. Not one wants to see that. Just sit down, shut up and watch the master. We’re referring, of course, to the god of improv, Wayne Brady. Trust us. This one is worth the price of the ticket.