Melbourne Cultural Weekly Top 10 24/06/18

The present is a horrid place. This week’s the week for delusion. Regress. Progress. Repress. Your psych’s gonna love this.


10) The Australian Ballet’s Verve

23rd-30th June

It’s a bittersweet symphony. All the beauty, all the majesty, the knowledge you should technically be entranced by the grace and talent with the aching truth that you’d rather be anywhere else doing anything else. Up your intellectual intake for the week, Melbourne. Your penchant for pretension should keep you riding high through at least the first hour. The interval drinks should solve the rest.’s-Verve/1fca3f40-768b-11e8-b2e5-cbd173431c8c


9) Brave World Retro Futurismus

21st June-8th July

Obsolescence has never been so tightly spandexed. And that is saying something. In the words of the coneheads themselves, Retro Futurisms combines “incendiary circus, demented dance, post-human posturing and prophetical idiocy“. So get ready to gaze into the future through the silvery ass of experimental theatre.


8) Midtown Diner Marvel’s Avengers S.T.A.T.I.O.N

23rd June-15th July

Pop down to the pop up and immerse yourself in the world that’ll soon engulf the entire planet – if it hasn’t already. You might as well get a head start. Experience the life of an Avenger without the intensely scarring, melancholy backstories and constant imminent threats to your life…although the inspiration for this pop up is gritty old-school New York diner so…maybe avoid the dips.’s-Avengers-S.T.A.T.I.O.N./4af84110-768d-11e8-b2e5-cbd173431c8c


7) Alice In Wonderland Exhibition

23rd June-17th October

Curiouser and curiouser. These whimsical characters just won’t die. It’s almost as though we, as a society have reached a creative end and will forever be cyclically regurgitating increasingly rotted corpses of our literary past. Well, get stuck in, sailor, and “take a trip through the looking glass into an immersive, enchanted world that draws together a remarkable selection of original behind-the-scenes material“.


6) Julius Caesar

23rd June-28th July

A political thriller injected with brutality, mad ambition, mutiny, homoeroticism and murder. In other words, the sanity in politics we have all been sorely missing.


5) The Real Songwriters of Melbourne Industry Night

28th June

Finally, a way for talented independent musicians to really display their talent. A networking event. Hey, at least in this forum no one will tell you to kill yourself or threaten to sexually abuse your relatives.


4) ACF Victoria Truffle Tour

28th June

Spray down those nostril hairs, you human pigs. It’s time to go a-huntin’. Experience the height of upper class sophistication balanced perfectly with the dirty rusticism of what can technically be termed foraging. There’s no better time for a stroll amongst the $600 per pound fungi. Barring our post-apocalyptic future. Which should probably come to pass in about a month or so. So grab your tickets now!


3) Max Teakle Jazz Trio Live

23rd June-24th July

A Teakle and a tipple. There are worse ways to spend a Saturday night. For example, in that fedora. Some things just look better buried under a pile of dirty underwear in your closet.


2) Bombay Sapphire Gin Flight Dinner

27th June

Shucking hell. You’ll want to skip the ambien and cold medicine chaser for this inflight experience. A glorious tribute to Bombay Sapphire; a night of gourmet fare including oysters and white chocolate cream and, best of all, none shall be used as a social lubricant, for the delightful Miss Mann will be talking all things Gin. The exits are located here and here. Don’t pretend you can’t see them.


1) Melbourne Cabaret Festival

23rd June-1st July

It’s that time, again Melbourne. The boozy smokey scent of the Jazz Festival may have just dissipated, but it’s dirtier, raunchier cousin has just docked at the bay, and they’ve brought one hell of a crew with them.

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