Dear Class of 2020, This is All We’ve Got

It’s an interesting time to be alive in that to be uninterested is a treat afforded only those in a coma.

No matter which way you turn your head or how far into the mountain of cocaine you bury it, the depressing lows are unavoidable. We are all woke. Constantly. It’s impossible to not be.

Paying attention to the man behind the curtain is no longer an act of the rebellious youth. We’re all staring at the man behind the curtain, unable to turn away, at this point just hoping he stops aggressively jerking himself off sometime soon.

It’s depressing, of course, to contemplate the fact that today’s youth isn’t going to uncover some great revolutionary truth, but it’s also a hell of a relief.

Now maybe sending a bunch of middle-aged millionaires to lecture the young people about what it is to be young will be enough to compensate for the fact that they’re about to face the 21st Century’s version of the Great Depression. Which is essentially the same but with the addition of Post Malone.

Yes, Lady Gaga, BTS and Barack Obama are set to give a commencement speech during YouTube’s “Dear Class of 2020” virtual commencement.

Joining Barack and Michelle Obama, Lady Gaga and others on the special are Beyoncé Knowles-Carter — who will deliver an inspirational message to the graduates — La La Anthony, Andy Cohen, Lana Condor, Misty Copeland, Kevin Durant, FINNEAS, Bill & Melinda Gates, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jennifer Lopez, Demi Lovato, Hasan Minhaj, Janelle Monáe, Antoni Porowski, Billy Porter, Phoebe Robinson, Yara Shahidi, Michael Strahan, Taylor Swift, Ciara & Russell Wilson, the casts of Euphoria and Riverdale, Today’s Jenna Bush Hager and Natalie Morales, and YouTube creators Emma Chamberlain, John Green, NikkieTutorials, and Mark Rober.

No, we’re not sure what the hell the point of Joseph Gordon-Levitt appearing is.

 

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