Bright-Eyed and Hopeful? It’s About Time Your Eyes Became Cracked, Dry and Bloody…at The Melbourne International Film Festival!

Kids, it’s that time of year again.

The ancient mother of all film festivals is coming home.

So clean up your damn apartment, torch your tinder and grindr history, bleach every available surface and come up with an innocent explanation for your suspiciously herpetic rash.

Oh, yes. We almost forgot.

Stock up on the saline.

Your balls are gonna need it.

Welcome one, welcome all to the Melbourne International Film Festival; one of the world’s oldest film festivals alongside Cannes and Berlin.

An iconic cultural event.

Informative. Transformative. If taken in large doses, potentially neurodegenerative.

Like we said: saline.

Don’t worry about the lube. Grey Goose’ll be taking care of that.

Yeah, you read right.

This is an experimental festival.

You might as well embrace those shameful, deeply buried incestuous fantasies.

After all, mother only comes to town 2 weeks out of the year.

And she’s looking damn fine.

 

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