Top 10 Melbourne Culture On this week 27/01/2019

Time to hit the streets, Melbourne. The ones with gourmet food trucks and puppies.


10) Painting in Tongues Poetry Slam

29th January

What: A night of colourful language at Hawthorn’s House of Letters (aka Hawthorn Library), featuring Cheung-Ling Wong, Helen Walker and Jess Knight.  This space will be christened with words by these three established poets before being opened up to the floor. You’ll have three minutes to fill the stage—the blank canvas—with whatever you feel like.

Why: Ugh. Slam poetry. But…then again. Slam poetry. You’ll have enough time to get plastered to the point wherein you know everyone has to listen to your idea of deregulating foreign wheat imports. The stage is yours. The audience is captive.


9) Story Party True Dating Stories

30th January

What: At the award-winning Story Party you will hear true dating stories that will make you feel better because it could be worse. You’ll hear stories about ghosting, unwanted pictures, splitting the bill, cat-fishing, heart-break, and “I can’t believe these are true stories” from professional storytellers.

Why: It’s like accidentally running in to your depressing neighbour…but…you know it costs money.


8) Public Art Field Guide Postcsript

31st January

What: Join the Public Art Field Guide on a lunchtime walk through Melbourne’s public realm, exploring the stories behind some of the city’s most influential permanent and temporary public art.

Why: We know. It’s not only public art, it’s also walking. But think of it this way. This’ll be the one opportunity to make up for your intellectual and physical inadequacies so you’ll be able to look your mother in the eye on her (or your) death bed and think to yourself ‘maybe the indignity of shitting my diseased liver out at the moment of death will be mitigated by that one time I used the phrase ‘conceptual tethering point’.’.


7) In These Critical Times

1st February

What: Where is your practice at right now? Are you craving space and time for new depths of practice? Or are you craving instead the people and provocations to broaden your practice? Join Esther Anatolitis for a day of deep reflection and active art critique that draws directly on MPavilion as both a container and a cultural laboratory.

Why: Pure, unfettered artistic ego stroking.


6) Exhibition Floor Talk: What’s The Obsession?

31st January

What: Are we obsessed with precision and perfection? Obsession brings together a range of historical and contemporary works under three broad themes of still life, portraiture and landscape.

Why: If current society is anything to go by, we can  answer the question for you. But we’re not gonna. Can’t be screwed.’s-The-Obsession/f3cea520-212a-11e9-b14f-a713526e5192


5) Rossini Opera Festival Performance

27th January

What: Rossini is known for his fast paced story lines, full of farce and comedy. Can these singers match his pace and learn an opera in only 4 days? Bring a rug and a picnic basket and enjoy some gorgeous singing in the open air as the sun sets.

Why: What’s better than listening to a professional shrieking turned into music? Listening to an amateur who’s only had four days of practice do it.


4) Stand-Up Comedy Surprise Show

2nd February

What: Get a sneak peak at a Melbourne International Comedy Festival standout! The best up-and-coming comedians in Melbourne are putting on surprise stand-up shows. Start the night right with a laugh!

Why: It could be your next Dylan Moran! Or…it could be your next Hughsie. Look, life’s a crapshoot. If it turns out to be the latter type, at least you’re in a place where there’s enough booze to drown them out.


3) Beer Council Meeting Al Fresco Style

2nd February

What: Help the Prince Alfred choose their summer/autumn beer range! Taste sours and goses in the afternoon sunshine on the deck. Meet some brewery reps, talk about your fav subject (beer, duh!), and they’ll feed you!

Why: It’s getting tanked, but the name ‘Prince Alfred’ is in the description. So it’s classy. We…do wish they hadn’t used the word ‘duh’. It does slightly undercut the sophistication.


2) Arts at Twilight

1st February

What: A night of world-class dance and music under the stars. This performance includes a number of pieces from talented dancers and musicians from the Mornington Peninsula and surrounds and is the perfect night out with friends this Summer! Bring your own blankets, chairs and gorgeously elaborate food platters and enjoy the beautiful Summer breezes as day slips into night and music and movement fill the space.

Why: Or stay home, draw the shutters and lose the bounds between night and day, time and the bounds of reality itself watching endless re-runs of Becker. If that’s not a self-funded contemporary art piece, we don’t know what is. The best part? No contemporary fucking dance.


1) Melbourne Street Eatz

27th January

What: Melbourne Street Eatz’s food festival is venturing north of the CBD to the ever spacious venue that is Coburg Velodrome. The festival will have a rotating line-up of the greatest Melbourne vendors on wheels! With live entertainment, movie cinema, kids activities, carnival rides and eating competitions just to name a few, there’s something for everyone and it’s all pooch friendly!

Why: Food, exhaust fumes, dog faeces and children. It was almost perfect. Till the part about children being there.

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